validation

i look into the face of my younger self 
and wonder
how anyone could willingly hurt her

little pink cheeks 
overloaded with freckles
born from sunbathing on the slide in July
funny crooked teeth
stretched into a smile
i remember my smiles feeling so unnatural 
and i am amazed at how well i hid it 
tiny little fingers with purple painted nails 
i've always loved the little details
she looked so young 
yet i know she felt much older
only seven years of life
& already so much responsibility to shoulder

how could he have screamed at this child?
threatened to hurt her?
how did she gather the courage
to shout back
at someone five times her size?

i look into the face of my younger self
and see fear
perhaps because the feeling is so familiar
i can spot it in a room of emotion 
instantly 
i was so small
i still feel small
and fearful 
but now i have hope

i wish i could show my younger self
who she will become 
i wish i could carry her on my back
away from the war-zone
to my modern-day bedroom
watch her smile
seeing i still have all of her old books
and the walls are pink
i'm not a huge fan of the colour
but i know it is her favourite 

i want to hold her in my lap
and show her
i still cry at everything
i can't imagine the difference 
of having a little validation
exactly when it is needed

i look in the mirror 
see my own face
and wonder 
how anyone could willingly hurt her.

13:57pm - 19/02/24.