This Was What You Wanted

For so long, I kept trying to defend you, 

And I would always try to justify the things that you would do.

Even though I knew it was true, I would always try to deny it,

Because I had always believed that me and you were a good fit.

But I have finally realized that this was what you wanted all along,

Even though I so badly wanted my intuition to be wrong.

I always knew that we had the kind of friendship that came from one side,

And that I was the one who always initiated it, because you had never once tried.

And I feel like this whole thing between us was just an excuse,

For you to finally end our relationship and cut me loose.

I wish I had known it before instead of it taking all of my time,

But deep down, you know that you were my favorite crime.

And I think that was exactly what you wanted,

For all of those memories to leave me feeling confused and haunted.

You never wanted me, but you never wanted to let me go,

Because my feelings for you were no secret, and they were something that I had let show.

But why did you keep pretending, because this hurts even more,

Because I think deep down you never wanted to shut that door.

I think you always wanted to keep me around,

Because you knew I would always be there to pick you up off of the ground.

Looking back on it, it seemed like you didn’t care at all,

Because you were never there to pick me up when I would fall.

It meant nothing to you unless it was convenient for you,

And your words would never line up with the things that you would do.

You knew what I was going through, and you kicked me when I was down,

And you left me sitting here looking like a clown.

For giving my all to someone who couldn’t care if I was alive or dead,

And over the past four years has been responsible for the tears that I have shed.