benadryl

i’ve been fake healing, trying to crush the pain under my thumb like a damn bug.

acting all fine and dandy, but i've been waiting for a hug from mama.

I can't have the peace i once had, i ain’t no dalai lama and i hate the man i am.

 

in my mind football-spiraling, dog-chasing the past that made me feel normal again. 

lying to myself about how i don’t miss the times i had with the people i loved.

i don’t need anyone except for a damn benadryl, get me some fake friends.

 

hallucinating sitting on a hill in the flowers, happy with the life i’ve been living.

and when that high dies, i deteriorate late at night, i die slowly and unholy.

surely they can tell i need help, but i’ll run from the demons that scare me.

 

heal me with the poison that obscures reality, create that devilish fantasy.

looking in the mirror and i’m not there anymore, i’ve been erased from this world.

i won’t exist on this planet, this realm, the visions have foretold my future.

 

tripping off dph and the high won’t leave my system, hit me harder than weed smoke.

i feel the choke of doom coming and the blood-curdling screams in my cords.

swords slice skin and i feel her kiss disappearing from the thin of lips.

 

tipping over the edge of the cliff where i reside, i need to hide from the demons.

cried to the seven versions of me and they all agreed that i should die.

did they lie, or tell the forbidden truth that no one says?

is this just all in my head, or am i dead?

 

walls crumble and drip red, bullets litter the ground, that’s a lot of lead.

dread builds in my mind, i can’t find the escape from this hellscape.

scrape at the door and maybe someone will hear my delirium.

 

at the bottom of the bucket, just some chum life that’s been chewed and spit.

pits of hell form on my skin, i see my transformation to the monster i am.

lambs to slaughter, my innocence in a sense has been lost since you left me broken.

 

sacrifice for the greater good, this world no longer needs my presence.

fell asleep,  remembering the haunting nightmares that creeped in my benadryl high.

goodbye to the man i knew, from this experience came something new. 

i accept my pain and this dark view i have on this world, i need something.

i need a medication to help me escape again, i don’t like this benadryl.