a lowercase place

a lowercase place

 

I want to share this story that some of the people may find it kind of hard to believe.

 

If you choose to take one step in my shoes then you’ll find it easier to perceive.

 

I promise it will be one small step for man but a giant leap for all of man kind.

 

I bought so many things trying to buy the happiness that I could never find.

 

All while I was trying to protect myself because I wear my heart on my sleeve.

 

My mom passed away when I was only 16 so I stayed to busy to ever grieve.

 

A treasure in my chest with a heart on lock because I threw away the key.

 

And I even closed my own eyes when I chunked it so no one would ever see.

 

That is why I have to tell the whole story so you can see a life for what it’s worth.

 

How a man found his happiness in the poverty that he’s been stuck in since birth.

 

Thinking what is left of this broken heart could never be mended back into one piece.

 

Financed fake smiles on consignment that I can’t afford but God paid the lease.

 

I once had Faith the size of a mustard seed with works that were barely sown.

 

Growth spurts would bare fruit from a harvest where nothing has ever grown.

 

A lie within my mind that tried to rob me from this very lesson in which I was taught.

 

Just to keep me from getting to that lowercase place where God’s grace brought.

 

Me to a road so discouraging that to take the next step my own leg is what I fought.

 

I marched forward with faith which took me to a lowercase place that I never sought.

 

It led me here with all of you at LCU to read this poem about my journey to happy days.

 

To tell you to never give up if you ever get stuck because God will find you in that maze.

 

If you keep marching forward through the darkness with a sincere love deep in your heart.

 

That’s a giant step in the right direction after walking in circles all the way back to the start.

 

God lights up one steppingstone at a time so we won’t be amazed by all that he lays.

 

Losing our focus in amazement counting steps instead of stepping into the next phase.

Thats how people stay lost in the darkness because we can never count all of his ways.

 

Causing us to get trapped like faith without works which is how all of the darkness stays.

 

But if his sheep can’t count they can still rest assured knowing God is able to raise.

 

Them up from their very lowest if at their lowest they give God his heavenly praise.

 

So I learned during my walk with Jesus that I can only be defeated by my own fears.

 

So thankful that God loves us makes me have to wipe away all of these happy tears.

 

To make me step into true faith God had gone before me to turn bad into a greater good.

 

If I would’ve known where I was going then I never would’ve went to where I should.

 

Because that place looked to difficult for me to make it to that place that I could.

 

It tried to deceive me to miss a blessing that’s not wrapped up like the present would.

 

To get me to go where I wasn’t going God used all of those tears so that I couldn’t see.

 

To step into a place that in this life it is a place that I always knew that I would never be.

 

To search for myself in those dark lonely places that long ago I threw away that key.

 

To heal my heart and free a lonely soul from a blessing that God didn’t charge a fee.

 

I prayed to God that if you have to take another coworker then please just let it be me.

 

It was from my own self sacrifice that God let me feel again killing my worldly PTSD.

 

Is losing possible when we are able to see the win in each of the losses that we got.

 

Just like during the pandemic I thought that I doubled down and bet my life on a long shot.

 

Then God filled this Holy Spirit so now betting is something that I feel bad about.

 

I folded that good hand and dropped to my knees to pray Thank You God as I shout.

In the road on Cassandra Drive whose curse is said to have caused others to doubt.

 

Just like I doubted myself for 6 months until something came over me on my route.

 

Then I looked up Cassandra which brought clarity to what I’ll call the drought.

 

But that’s another story just like Goliath flexing in the post office looking for clout.

 

Believe in the truth that the worst of my losses actually resulted in the greatest of wins.

 

Like how losing my mother when I was 16 changed my path to repent for all of my sins.

 

Which has fueled my passion to go hard and never give anything less than my very best.

 

This was the result after a tragedy pushed this selfish heart completely out of my chest.

 

That keeps me up all hours of the night caring for everyone else that laid down to rest.

 

I never scored higher from any test that I passed than I did from each of those failed test.

 

Which pushed my heart so far away from myself it made me care for others with less.

 

God put in my heart a purpose and a passion that he works through me to bless.

 

Each and every one of you so if you feel like you have ever lost then please don’t stress.

 

If you believe and help others know Christ then Christ will deliver you from a worldly mess.

 

This is what my healed heart is pumping blood to my thumbs to type for you and confess.

 

Because by giving your all to glorify God is the only way to be represented by the very best.

 

Look at our God who is so good that we can gain from a loss and learn from a failed test.

 

So for God I will continue to give my all to people by serving his people nothing less.

 

Than the truth that you need to believe and have faith in God and your life he will bless.

 

This is one reason that I give God my all because I know he deserves so much more from me.

 

God is the reason that I made it here with more for my life that before I could never see.

 

Because other than my soul I always felt like I didn’t have anything else left to really lose.

 

And I truly believe that this is a byproduct from all of the actions that I will choose.

 

Now my actions are devoted to acting only on that gentle voice that makes my eyes sob.

 

Making an old soul more secure in each failed attempt in which the devil tried to rob.

 

And this is how God shows me that I’m traveling up his righteous and rocky little path.

 

It showed me that I’m blessed to lose it all so I put it on everything I used to have.

 

I never want to win if me winning causes another person to experience any kind of bad.

 

I can do bad all on my own if I know that another person is doing good then I’ll be glad.

 

My words don’t come cheap and I make sure that my actions will make them true.

 

Regardless of what the price is I will never sell my soul despite what I go through.

 

No matter the costs losing my soul is something that I’ll never ever allow myself to do.

 

There are times in life where we can’t continue growing till we make room for the new.

 

It brought me the change I needed so I could pay homage to the dirt in which I grew.

 

If you give me another minute then I’ll spend another second allowing me to confess.

 

Why I am able to embrace and thank the struggle that took me to a place to find success.

 

And I can’t help that I am who I am but I know this is not the man that I’ll always be.

 

Because everything in this life that I ever got is what the good Lord has given to me.

 

To show how I know that no mistake will ever be to big if we give it to God and we learn.

 

Is how I show you so you know that there isn’t a point from which no man can return.

 

Unless that deception from a fear of a mistake stops us to cause us to miss our turn.

 

Because when passion that is lost to a fear that we never try leaves a soul to burn.

 

So keep your head up and know that brighter days are coming to light up the night sky.

 

And when I fell off so fast I hit the bottom so hard that the Lord used it to make me fly.

 

And I know I could never make it back up to the top if God had never really had my back.

 

Because I’m to weak to do it in my own strength which revealed how much that I lack.

 

So I hope that you don’t bet on my words because my words alone come very cheap.

 

But I pray for you that you bet on God and know that in his victory is where you reap.

 

Believe those timeless words of the Bible and feel your heart suddenly start to leak.

 

And all of the blessings will suddenly flow rushing in like rainwater does to a creek.

 

And even though I have overpaid for the words that you may never even hear me speak.

 

I am very blessed to be broke because being broke brought lessons God used to teach.

 

And if you ever see me by myself then I hope you do know that I am really never truly alone.

 

Because God sent Jesus to guide us all to that heavenly throne where we all seek to belong.

 

So that we will build a great mansion of a house on solid ground for God to make a happy home.

 

That is why this heart here is with Jesus and just to follow him this heart will forever roam.

 

That is why I look a little differently with each step that I choose to take when we walk.

 

That is why I may sound a little different with each of these words that I use for us to talk.

 

This is why I’m confident in my walk with Christ and go to him wherever he may call.

 

Because I know that I’m walking to a better place that is not for me because it is for us all.

 

This is the voice mail that I get from his call when I am not able to make it to the phone.

 

It has paged all of the missing parts from my heart that I thought were forever gone.

 

This is the ringtone that caused me to walk away from a good career to answer this call.

 

It was for God’s mercy on me that I showed mercy to the one wishing for me to fall.

 

It is the path that has led a 40 year old to be a grad student at a Christian school.

 

So that I can learn about God’s word and how to use his Holy Bible like a heavenly tool.

 

It is the reason why when everyone else passes me by like they don’t notice me or even care.

 

I love others like I love myself so I sewed my mended heart back on my sleeve to proudly wear.

 

So do not be fooled by believing a lie that no one cares because I do and want you to succeed.

 

For you can find truth in God’s word that guides us if his word in our heart is what we believe.

 

I will open up that Holy Bible just like I have opened up my heart in every poem that you may read.

 

And close my eyes from the worldly ways so that through this maze I can follow Jesus’s lead.

 

So that I don’t follow the directions of men allowing my faith to lead the way for my mind.

 

So I can act on the instruction of God that always gives instruction at the perfect time.

 

So that I can fly through the time zone of man and then stand synced with Gods clock.

 

Which has allowed me to be able to pass and drive right through that old writer block.

 

Like the ugly duckling I am not a bird of their feather so with or for them I’ll never flock.

 

Because my entire foundation is solid forever now after being built upon a heavenly rock.

 

I really don’t care that this construction has cost me everything that I had ever got.

 

I feel like I have so much more now with nothing because in Gods nothing there’s a lot.

 

And for his glory for me to stop speaking the truth is something that I’ll never stop.

 

Just like how in one relationship and out from another one is not the place where I will hop.

 

I’ll go to these lonely places because to those places other conversations have not gone.

 

The truth is not so popular because it hurts but it’s in that hard pain where I have grown.

 

To tell my story offers a chance that someone else will read it and not make the same.

 

I tell it all from the good to the bad for Gods glory I can rejoice when I honor his name.

 

It’s all for the one great I Am which is the greatest name that the world has ever known.

 

Thank you Lord for the bountiful harvest after the storm settled from seeds never sown.

 

Sincerely,

 

Rated2Real

Randall Racine

I pray that my struggle will help another!