Unwell

Idiosyncracies of human nature...
Do all humans need touch?
Or maybe... interraction? 
I feel like there is some intimidation factor
Telling people they need someone. 
Or, make it as if 'another' should be around. 
But then - what of the yogis and monks who are tasked at living lives of solitude. 
Finding themselves before finding themselves intertwined within another's beingness 
Before they know and understand their own. 
They don't teach that though..

It's as if - there is some rush here to be the first to do something that has been done millions of times before. 
Yet, so many fall into that trap. 
Is it that much easier to concede the depths of one's own mind? 
I gave it an honest effort and can clearly say, it was not for me.
Mine moves too fast and too much to follow blind. 
And many times, it got me in trouble more times than it saved me. 
But that's changing.
And if I'm honest, it wasn't really my mind, it was the misunderstanding of it that slowed my growth. More or less. 
Yet, all that I have learned. Inhered. And gained. It's like - an invisible blessing. For my eyes only. 
It's difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it, but may be better to acknowledge what I experience And share it - with the attempt to help another. 

Gravity is the mastermind of our times. 
Pushing and pulling at it's will. What, where, when, who and why the sails move as they do. 
Twists and turns with lessons to learn and feeling the necessity to prove. 
Hesitation kicks in when from some ugly place in me - reminds me no one cares. Reminds me, it may be my desire
To blend - that keeps this feeling alive of needing to tell someone else what happened to me and how to not let it Happen to them. 
Why? 
Am I the only one who has these feelings - that this life is not meant for me? And no matter how many times 
I try to follow along and dance to the beat of their song - everything inside me - feels wrong. 

~I.S.~