Inner Voice, Outer Letter

Am I less of a boyfriend?
Am I less of a human?
Should I at least be showing you a bit more love?
Even in my dream I was so cold to you and it hurt me
So why do I do it if it hurts…
I know that the world can be cruel to take you away in an instant, so that's why I should
love you more
Show you that I care more
Show you that I truly want a future with you
Or maybe because the world is cruel I'm withholding my love for you
Maybe because the world is cruel, I'm scared to give you my all or at least most of my all
To put so much effort into something for it to just disappear in a day.... isn't that the
saddest thing
To waste years of your life into someone who can make a choice in a day to go away
Maybe being rich solves all of that because I don't actually have to give my all
I can give just enough of my energy, but still get you everything you desire;
Because money will solve the things that I won't have to slave away and do as a man
Or things that I won't have to sacrifice many other things for.

I'm a failure as a man right now..
A failure as a partner..
A failure as an intellectual..
A failure as a prodigy..
A failure as a prophet..
A failure as a King..
And a failure as a God.

What am I right now?
I'm a speck of dust, blowing in the wind.
No significance,
No power,
No status,
No wealth,
I'm nothing.

Who am I to declare that I'm great with nothing to show for it
I'm fed up
Sick and tired of being in this situation
For years and years and years
When will it end?
When will I become great?
That’s all I want in life,
True, unfathomable power
My name carved into history as the greatest, or one of the greatest
Wealth to do what I want, when I want, and how I want
People around me to solidify my brotherhood, and children to carry on my legacy
People revering me as a King and as a God
I want to be able to rule this era
And it’s possible, it truly is.

It's not the level of possibility that makes me disconsolate.... I WANT to fight, I WANT to
be in war, I WANT the battles... what makes me sad is all of this pent-up rage,
determination and zest that I have within me, not being able to express it and push for
what I want because I'm being withheld by my current situation. How lamentable – the
feeling of a Lion, the King of the Jungle, being stuck in a cage. Is it all an excuse, or is it
a reason to fight even harder? Excuse? No. Never. I swear on the legacy of my last name
De Nobrega, and I swear on the pride which I hold so dearly, that the world will come to
know my name, and that I will become as great of a man that I say I will become.