I'm Not A Puppet But A Soul

Santajah Douglass

Give me a moment to pour out my heart,
To let the tears flow freely,
To speak the words I've kept inside,
To release the pain that haunts me daily.

Give me a second to breathe,
To feel the air fill my lungs,
To calm the racing of my mind,
To find a moment of peace within the chaos.

Give me a second to even think
About a life without you,
About a future that's uncertain,
About the darkness that threatens to consume me whole.

I used to hold your hand,
To feel the warmth of your touch,
To know that I wasn't alone,
To believe that we could conquer any obstacle together.

You used to hold me tight,
To shield me from the storms,
To be my rock in times of trouble,
To show me what true love really meant.

I used to smile all day long,
To feel joy in the simple things,
To bask in the light of your presence,
To believe that happiness was within reach.

I used to not be able to wait long enough
To see you again, to hear your voice,
To share in the laughter and the love,
To feel the connection that bound us together.

But now it all feels fucked,
It all feels like it sucks,
People I know are dropping dead to the floor,
And death seems to be knocking at my door.

I know it's not long before it finds me too,
Before I'm consumed by the darkness,
Before all that's left is a memory,
Before I'm just another name on a gravestone.

And that's why I say the things I say,
Why I speak of despair and loneliness,
Of fear and uncertainty,
Of the pain that eats away at my soul.

No one has truly cared,
No one has bothered to ask,
No one has taken the time to understand,
The depth of my suffering, the weight of my burdens.

I've been tough, I've weathered the storms,
I've faced the demons within,
But sometimes it's just too much,
And I find myself drowning in a sea of despair.

But it's all I know,
It's all I've ever known,
The feeling of deeply depressed loneliness,
The ache in my heart that never seems to fade.

Oh, no, you're not depressed, they say,
You're just feeling down, they say,
Don't tell the doctor that, they say,
Why do you get to tell me how to feel,
When I don't even know it myself?

Am I not real,
Do I need to throw myself off a cliff,
To make you see the truth,
To make you understand the depth of my pain?

You can't control me,
You can't dictate my emotions,
You can't erase the scars that run deep,
You can't silence the demons that whisper in the dark.

So give me a moment,
To pour out my heart,
To release the pent-up sorrow,
To find a glimmer of hope in the darkness.

Give me a second,
To breathe,
To let go of the pain,
To embrace the possibility of redemption.

Give me a second,
To even think,
About a life without you,
About a world where happiness is more than just a fleeting dream.

I may be broken,
I may be lost,
But I refuse to be silenced,
I refuse to be consumed by the darkness.

So give me a moment,
To pour out my heart,
To let the words flow freely,
To find solace in the beauty of the broken.

And maybe, just maybe,
I'll find my way back to the light,
To the love that once filled my soul,
To the hope that never truly died.

  • Author: Santajah Douglass (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: April 22nd, 2024 01:35
  • Category: Sad
  • Views: 4
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  • Kutlo Moletsane

    Hey, whats the inspiration behind?

    • Santajah Douglass

      The Inspiration start off as a typical person who might of just had heartbreak but it actually break into someone who feels so much more. When you look further into the poem it might sound just like a heartbreak with a romantic partner into a relationship with a parent/guardian into to despair and trauma. It how the connection of these relationships led to a person feeling a particular way. How it all been intertwine from the beginning and how it gets recognize. Sending a deep message of feeling to the reader as if they are feeling the pain along with the person.

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