WEEPING

I was holding two books – 2 books- one about meditation- dropped to his place.

Another book about Quantum computing and inspirational writings for him.

2 beautiful poems for him.

Inspirational thoughts – personal feelings.

Feelings I was no longer able to feel.

Met him….

He was walking very fast to his place, holding a Grocery bag- earphone phone plugged into his ears.

He saw me… and heard me, more than anything.

I called him: ‘’Swarovski…please Swarovski…stop.

He said: ‘’ I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU’’!

You belong to the poem’s club’’ Hard Bananas drive’’!

Swarovski001 said:’’ you do not live here any longer, you breached the security, we can go to the police’’!

How come he changed his mind so fast, he confirmed he enjoyed the poem,

Inspired by him and the hard banana movement.

I was happy – I was grateful that he could appreciate my poem.

A black woman living in number 1 room came out to listen to the conversation.

Swarovski started looking at me – I was wearing dark glasses and said:

‘’these 2 poems are precious’ ’the feeling provoked after such a long time!

I confirmed to him that if he did not want my body, friendship at least he should read my

Poems!

Nearly weeping the 3 of us- whiny eyes

Intensive blue whiny eyes.

Mixed feelings: amused, indignant and frightened.

‘’What has the black lady to do with that’’?  I mentioned about the Indian who came to see me

months ago.

Swarovski please do not make me cry…. please do not make me cry.

Weird grimace of pain on my lips…!

Fortunately, he could not see for the third time my intense glance- the same he saw

in the shared rotten environment, of erotic wave!

So unexpected -a surprise for me-

Forgive me Swarovski if I could not love you and see as a mother, as a sister, as a friend.

Forgive me Swarovski if I love you of erotic love! Yes Swarovski!

‘’I do’ ’he said then he continued: ‘’you are not a monster, and you rise’’!

He was looking straight into my eyes- sparling watery eyes.

Female specimen still seen as beings to be conquered with compliments-

He reassured he did not want anything from me.

I love you Swarovski Crystal … you do not use the following:

‘’If I were like this …I would…

If I had …I would…

Personal feelings that are useful to keep you floating –

To avoid sinking into depression.

If I had I would…. underneath only fake intentions…fortunately never pronounced by him.

On the surface no feelings at all but not even at deeper levels.

Swarovski Crystal 001…

That night I could not sleep very well…I wept so much.

Tears washing up completely my blurry eyes and …vision!

Belfast April 2024