my mind’s an altar

Every agonizing day passes by and when the sun goes down, the number on the scale goes up. I sometimes wonder if this is just my life, if I’m just cursed with this mindset, with this body, with this life. I put my hands together, hoping God could change this horrible aspect of me. My baggy clothes grow pitiful of me and they weep knowing the only reason I use them is when it benefits me and my crippiling mindset. Am I a monster? and is my mind a god for having the power of a human being?  Why does my God hate me? Why must my God tell me that being happy isn’t equivalent to being pretty. Can one be happy and be pretty at the same time? That thought flows in my head with the rest of the excruciating thoughts. When will it end? May my God tell me the only answer I craved for?