Hell

I have heard people say that they were going through Hell,

And most of the time, they didn’t need to say anything, and you were able to tell.

That there was something they were dealing with that was destroying their mind,

But I didn’t believe that that kind of pain was one that I would be able to find.

Out of all the things that I have been through, loving you has been the worst,

And I still feel like you should be with me, because I loved you first.

And that was when I realized that you were the one thing that was breaking me,

And there was nothing that I could do, no matter how much I would plea.

I am devastated at the realization that there is nothing I can do that is good enough for you,

There is still a hold you have over me, no matter how much I have fought to be free.

Loving you has left me picking up my heart part by part,

And it made me wonder how the last four years would be different if I talked to you from the 

start.

Or how would it be now if I never tried to continue our relationship after that season,

But I genuinely thought that you were brought into my life for a reason.

Maybe you were only here to teach me hard things that I never wanted to learn,

You could have taught me those things without leaving me feeling burned.

And I realized that being in Hell is loving someone who will never love you back,

Because it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you, and there is something that 

you lack.

But, despite how hard that is, there is something worse than that,

And that is not being able to know where your head and your heart are at.

And despite doing everything in your power, you can’t seem to let them go,

Because your brain is being rational, while your heart isn’t allowing you to believe what you 

already know.

And that is still loving them, despite it all,

And hating yourself for allowing yourself to fall.

Because you knew that it was never going to occur,

And now it has left me wondering why I can’t just be her.

Why can’t I be what you wanted, no matter how hard I tried,

Because you promised it could happen, but all you did was lie.