“The Storm”

I’m so confused. Why can’t I stop caring? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. My mind spinning in circles as I try to pick the right course. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do. I keep ending up back in the same place. Maybe it’s because it’s safer here. The hurt is all I know and with it comes a comfort I can’t understand. I want to move on, but I don’t even know what I’m moving from. I feel too much, but yet not enough, and it’s driving me crazy. I can’t find the balance that everyone tells me to. Like a child banging their head against the wall and only causing more pain. Give me a way to cope that’s better than pushing it down. Give me a way to cope that’s better than falling apart. I just want to be ok, but I’m never ok. I constantly feel like a burden, that I’m not worth fighting for. I try to say and believe otherwise, but negativity cuts deeper than rainbows. I’m the girl who’s always under a cloud. Drenched through my clothes because it never stops raining, and I’m so cold my bones ache. I miss the sun. Sometimes I get glimpses and I feel warm for a second. Every part of me clings to that one ray ouf light before it all comes crashing  again. The thunder and lightning that threatens overhead but never actually strikes. I try to wave it away, walk into the sun, but the cloud follows me like a shadow. My clothes cling to my body and suffocate me like weights, dragging me down. It takes everything in my power to stay upright. I feel so weak. Constantly seeking shelter, but no matter where I go it’s there. The storm never ends and I’m getting so tired of it. Hoping for a miracle to make it stop, and angry at not being able to do it myself. Fighting the urge to give up as it pounds against my skin I walk in the darkness, praying one day I’ll stumble into the light.