To my baby

To what could have been, maybe should have been. It breaks my heart to say, I couldn’t have you either way. 

I didn’t want you when you were mine but now I understand, it will never be fine. My heart is broken into a million pieces and my love is something that never ceases. 

How I long to hold your tiny hands and count your tiny toes. To see your smile and hold you when you cry. To sing you songs all night long and never put you down. 

I crave the lost sleep just to watch you grow, loosing you taught me the definition of woe. 

You see I was only 18, I made a silly mistake. He didn’t want me, I couldn’t do it alone. I found out so early, that you were inside. A tiny faint pink line. 

So I called my cousin, to help me through. While I decided what to do about you. I didn’t get the chance to make up my mind, I lost you forever. Never to be mine. 

I still think of you everyday. Sometimes I even pray. To a God I don’t believe in, if you’re real I beg of you, look after my baby. You see sometimes I wish, I was up there in heaven, holding you. I never even got to know if you were pink or blue. For my little prince I like the name Clyde and Raven for a princess. 

You see I’m in a relationship now, we’re being careful. But in a few more years, I truly hope to give you a little brother or sister. But please, dear God, let the next one stay with me. 

I’ll see you eventually my love, mummy has a lot more life to live. I just wish it was with you. 

I would give anything to see your pretty little smile. One day my love. One day.