scratches

there’s a scratch on my hand 
and I don’t know where it came from
I scratch my hands often in anxiety
but this one is different 
this one is raw and sharp
the skin around it is red
I didn’t do that with my nails
we are quite intricate, when you look for the details

my eyes have been watering since nine this morning
you can see it in the gap
 between my eyeliner and lower lash line
I don’t know why my eyes water so much
maybe they are more knowledgeable
and cry at the future yet to come

perhaps they feel disrespected
neglected
maybe I’m just allergic to eyeliner

wouldn’t it be typical for my body to hate something my soul loves?

Why do they fight so often?
Body and soul, I mean
my body likes to sleep but my soul likes to stargaze
my soul likes to dance but my body freaks out
well, my heart specifically

And oh, don’t get me started on my heart
so full and so fragile
so open and so fast
she pulses in my chest like rainfall
like blood-drenched knuckles and violet bruises

she’s never quite understood
how to be calm

Maybe one day, I’ll get there
my eyes will water in joy
my body and soul will be at peace
my heart will know the right time to race

On that day, I’ll feel happiness
I’ll feel the love of my God
and His hands on my face

I will have no more questions
I will know where the scratches come from. 

14:39pm – 27/02/23.