Blunt edges of lower dentures...


irksomely chafe and dig

(analogous to a bit size backhoe -

contracted courtesy local builders

Gambone Brothers) inside lip

on left side front of mouth
not surprisingly creating
quasi irritated sore welt
(as if I got smacked in the face


from out of the blue)
achingly painful dilemma
particularly whenever I bite and chew food,
which compromised mastication

seriously prompted eating soft
(goo goo gaga baby) with no pablum,

or yours truly switching

to a liquified diet of worms.

Aforementioned minor
physical oral ailment
reminiscent when yours truly

donned, sported, and touted braces

(on two separate occasions)

to double necessary rites of passage

since yours truly
glutton for punishment

while segueing from adolescence

into young adulthood


gifted with moderate sized overbite,

yet not full fledged
buck teeth the first go around,
where metal brackets
and/or little pins pierced, jabbed,
gouged, et cetera
into tender gummy flesh
generally unpleasant nasty encounter
super tramping as
cheaply tricked out human pin cushion

bloody well right.

Methinks of the hours of veritable torture
spent seated in orthodontic chair,
where initial appointment

found me situated with maw opened

for stretches of time
that would be dwarfed

by subsequent pluperfect future hours

getting a numb bony bum

while veritably held hostage
courtesy the vise grips of dental technician.


I can never forget

experiencing preliminary step

into requisite initiation
getting an eventual smile
worth a million bucks

firstly to create gap (wide enough

to drive a mack truck thru),
which spacers essentially
little rubber squares
(at most an inch long)
to allow, enable
and provided leverage buyout
paid for by a pretty penny

prior to getting metal bands

bonded and insured to pearly whites.

Adjustment to being fitted

for dentures didst overly bite
recounted, recircled, and recapitulated

analogous when jaws underwent restructuring

where aforesaid maxillofacial territory

felt subjected to miniature

jackhammer and dynamite

forthwith adumbrated as memory takes flight

re-envisioning maximum headroom

affecting yours truly experiencing whiplash


as countless hands practically reached

into me deep throat plunging

dentistry implements and gloved fingers

into buccal cavity

from soaring wuthering height

nearly choking yours truly

expediting at expense of mine cavum oris

carrying out veritable

fishing and hunting expedition

courtesy overhead jacklight


figuratively yanking tooth

and nail mustering might

allowing, enabling and providing opportunity

for tomorrow's dental practitioners

essentially dental students namely neophyte

took stab at a subjected human Guinea Pig -

as relegated to scientific experimentation
I tried to be agreeable and polite

at the mercy of said novitiate quite right,

now crafting epistle as a toothless troglodyte.


Never during the story of my life asper present moment, whereby this body electric then witnessed LVIII celebrations of a womb dar full in utero gestation, and subsequent exit per birth canal in one direction ejected like some damn the torpedo or other lobbing hand grenade, or discharging any other type of ballistic military ordnance and after twice undergoing beautification of ma smile; first enduring gagging on quick hardening cement as benchmark impressions, spacers, thence soon followed by wearing braces.

Membership to this adolescent rite of passage entailed requisite name calling as the victim remained mum imposed incommunicado what with wires that jabbed, pricked, and stuck every square inch of gums teasing the tillerman tongue felt furrowed plow as soft tissue became abundantly blistered chafed, and diced raw.

Numerous teeth extractions later (which did smarted my wisdom), the drill mongering requisition team (incorporating a rooted right bitewing conspiracy), said prisoner interrogation attained the pinnacle of pain per practiced collaboration between vaunted, sainted long in the tooth professionally smocked specialists.

These accredited, certified, and licensed torturers frenziedly insouciantly cackled with hair rising, maniacal, spine tingling pleasure while intermittently interrogating strait jacketed anesthetized subjected patient.

Thee prisoner of Zenda implanted with gag reflex additionally besieged to a battery of expensive costly abuse.

Such quaint ratified regular rigmarole included suctioning lips til dry as sawdust in preparation for (not to be mist witnessing open mouthed wide world) recalcitrant subject handily restrained as he/she barely weathered unpalatable quintessentially royally smitten to the nerve.

This electric kool acid test basically pitched the heavily sedated sorely saddled seated subject into a novel threshold of oral suffering.

The confederated legion of amalgam hated plaque attackers banded teeth forcing a tectonic shift of pearly whites to relocate closing gaps, where uber an crowdsource rank and file groupon identity guard did lyft suspected gumption, hence a healthy dose of x-rays served up to nip in the bud involving any tongue in cheek intervention, when perfectly viable molars thinned i.e. uprooted courtesy of orthodontic gang.

Now incremental movement could be undertaken pursuant impressing well-brushed aides de camp.

Thus temporarily crowns vis a vis provisional proviso practitioners of the villainous periodontal disease (qua gingivitis) stitching cavity where exposed synapses earned the chair rushed survivor of fiendish, ghoulish, and insidious enamel (tartar) scraping chieftains earning kudos sans at successfully foiling dental caries, plus serving as grandee enamel polisher.
All that excruciating agony iterated above, now finds me shaking this mangy hirsute, (albeit thinning) head in consternation, frustration and induction, whereby microbial demons exercised, foisted and galvanized necessity to suffer.

Interestingly enough, these choppers, dentures, false dentate much more pleasing that the real bone marrow wrought teeth courtesy of many a fraternal gauntlet hugger mugger.

Maxillofacial surgery and wisdom teeth extraction plus abiding by the codas, edicts and general indemnity keeping American Dental Association in lockstep with noblesse oblige purveyors who tout regular dental hygiene.
This new fangled cusp cutting prosthetic revolution per anatomical equipage that allows, enables and provides the means to return to masticating brought protracted hermetically sealed dissimulation within the noggin of this more tell male, who confesses to be a non student within the hierarchy of a bricks and mortar storied (perhaps ivy coated) institution of higher learning on account of rampant mental debility hashtagged diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder cobbles, hobnails, and mangles any ability to function within the formal classroom. Case in point comprises the twelve years of veritable enslavement while barely getting promoted from one grade to the next.

Even though handed a high school diploma XL (pipelined) traipsing orbitz ago around the sun, this contemplative, furtive, and intuitive lvii chap experienced horrendous difficulty dogging mine faux pas figurative heals up until the recent present. The acquiescence to relinquish the prospect to batten down anxiety and panic strewn hatches turned the tide, and found me giving up the good fight.

A congenital biochemical mutation (I cannot expound on the minutiae of amino acid, enzymes, polymer, et cetera) that wrought havoc viz zit head upon thyself when in the throes of adolescence, despite thine late mum purportedly experiencing NO complication with me birth as a full term healthy baby boy.

  • Author: rew4er2nail (Offline Offline)
  • Published: June 12th, 2024 08:17
  • Category: Humor
  • Views: 3
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