Lonely

I shake and shriek,
Into the pillow on my bed
You left me here,
With a whirlwind spinning in my head
I’m disrupting the show’s rehearsal,
‘Cause I don’t think I could take
My walls tumbling down,
So I block out the sound
Of heartache breaking, softly
Booming in my brain

I was once fine,
Felt loved, and safe
Then you compare me,
To the me on your screen
Asking why I’ve grown older,
What happened to me?
You’re making me cry,
And you don’t know why
It’s like you couldn’t see,
The pain that’s in my eyes

So now I’m,
Michelle, who is lonely
Michelle, who’s unsteady
Michelle, who is breaking in rehearsal
Please could you hold me?
Tell me that you love me,
Tell me I am beautiful,
And special

Emotional and drained,
As I picked up the phone
Told the director that I,
“I don’t think I can do this,” anymore
My hands start to shake,
As I try to hold back the tears
Feeling lonely, and scared
That I’m unloveable, and past my years

To them I’m just,
Michelle, who has no feelings
Heart of bars, and metal railings
Michelle, who has a smile, never fading
Michelle, who’s getting older
Michelle, who’s getting colder
Michelle, who isn’t really mass appealing

I’m at home, crying and hiding
Avoiding displaying
A woman who’s breaking
As though she’s just a child
I hated failing, dismaying
My heart has been racing
And I can’t stop spinning,
No, I’m not crying
There’s something in my eye

There’s something in my,
Emotional, interpersonal, impenetrable
Deep cut blue eyes

‘Cause now I’m
Michelle, who is lonely
Michelle, who’s unsteady
Michelle, who is breaking in rehearsal
Please could you hold me?
Tell me that you love me
Tell me I am beautiful,
And special

Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring
I feel my phone beside me
Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring
The press is out to get me
Click, Click, Click, Click
They want my vulnerability
Click, Click, Click, Click
This time there’s no arms to save me

I wash my reddened eyes,
With care
At myself I decide to stop,
And stare
I press my hand upon the mirror,
And through the tears I see me clear

I’m Michelle, who is lonely
Michelle, who is crying for some company
To be held, and loved
You have gone and left me
Left me feeling lonely, and I’m sinking
I am not enough
I could pick myself up,
And brush myself off,
I’ve done it for so long,
Think I’ve had enough

I don’t have the courage to defeat you,
So I’ll let fate beseech you
‘Cause, though I’m still feeling lonely
I don’t need your company
If all you’re gonna do
Is make me feel like I’m unloveable as me

I’ll let you walk away
But you won’t get to see me healing
You won’t get to see the me I’m creating
I will let you walk away
You won’t get to see me,
As I’m bleeding out your name