Guilty crown

Am I really that hard to understand?
Is it wrong of me to say where I stand?
I guess I'm really doomed by fate,
Not to find my soulmate.

Maybe I'm searching at the wrong places,
Because I'm scared of not finding anyone before the sun sets.
Me, unable to find my other half, what does it mean?
Is it purely just my... sin?

Ever since I became my own ruler.
Did I really become crueler?
Is it really a sin not letting my emotions win?
Making myself feel safer, even from within.

You thought I was neglecting you,
While within, I was waging a war.
A war where I was going back and forth,
Between life and death, while your love was fading.

In the end I won, but at what cost?
I stabilized myself from within...
Only for you and everyone after you to make me feel agonizingly guilty.
Therefore transforming that crown I fought so hard for into a guilty one.

But of course I'm the guilty one,
I'm the one who showed you true love and affection.
But as fast as you signed the contract,
That's how fast you left, and didn't care.

Cause in this damned day and age,
No one is willing to love or leave their cage.
So I will always be the guilty one,
For wanting you to myself to finally feel warmth inside my head.

So now I sit there,
On my throne, contemplating...
Whether that was the right move or...
Am I really filled with regret all the way down to my core.

I'm cold, lonely and so misunderstood,
Wondering if I ever could...
Find the one that could see,
The love I'm giving, and who will finally understand me.

So please whatever is up there,
Show me that you truly care.
Care for this lonely clown,
Who is waiting on his throne wearing his... guilty crown.