The Filter

He told me I looked better without the filter

what does that even mean?

He’s never seen me without except for the few occasions in person

in which I still wear makeup to hide my various insecurities

I can’t get that text out of my head

why does this bother me so much?

Maybe because all I’ve ever known is guys who adore me with makeup?

Is this what my standards have come to..

Using filters to hide all my flaws..

I tried to take a picture today without one…

it ended in tears and no picture sent at all.

All I see are my bushy uneven brows,

my short lashes, and pale lips.

my fat nose, and uneven skin tone,

which may even be too dark for a guy like him…

All I see are the chubby cheeks when I smile, and my ever so slightly yellow teeth.

I see that one crooked tooth, even though the rest are straight,

that one just bothers me.

I can’t stand my complexion.

This uneven bumpy skin.

The blackheads on my nose

and the dark circles under my eyes,

marking how long it’s been since a good night of rest.

I don’t see what he sees.

Isn’t that sad.

The internet and social standards tell me everything I have is bad.

I don’t understand why he doesn’t like the filter.

It makes me so much better.

Slims down my nose and face

and fixes my blemishes, making my skin so clear.

Adds a pink tint to my lips, and longer lashes on my eyes.

even on occasion makes my smile brighter and the same with my under eyes.

It makes me look “pretty”.

according to Americas standards.

I feel like a princess.

Worthy of being loved by others.

This is what The World has come to.

These awful beauty standards

I have to wear a filter.

Just to make myself feel better.