I'm Scared

It took me a long time to admit how terrifying this journey is to me,

And how hard it is to let go of my past to become everything I wanted to be.

I know that what I have been doing has not been getting me ahead,

But letting go of what I know still fills me with so much fear and dread.

How do I move on when I am still stuck in the past?

HowI remind myself that good things will eventually come, and that the pain won’t last?

It is hard to remember that when it is all that I have known,

And even though I am not giving myself enough credit, I know that over the years I have grown. 

But there is still that voice in the back of my mind,

That is constantly reminding me that no matter how hard I try, I am never going to be fine.

That there is always going to be something that keeps me from getting what I want,

And all of my fears and insecurities will always come back to taunt.

To remind me of my past and everything that I did wrong,

And to remind me of what I have known all along.

That no matter what, there will always be that part of me that is broken,

And to remind me of all of the words that I had left unspoken.

To know that no matter how hard I try, part of me will never fully be okay,

And I need to remember that this is something I need to live with everyday.

It has taken me a long time to realize that that is why it is so hard to let it all go,

But I also know this is what is holding me back from allowing myself to fully grow.

My biggest fear is getting to where I want to be and nothing really changed,

And all it did was end up having everything feeling new and strange.

It’s so hard to let go of the negative thoughts and to just believe in myself,

Because at the end of the day, I always feel like there is going to be someone else.

Someone who is doing better than me,

But I am realizing that it no longer matters, because I am doing better than what I used to be.