time

so fast
i was 13 yesterday 
today I'm no different.
but i am different 
I've changed
no i haven't!
its a beautiful thing to rush in colored streams of water and blood and tears.
those never change
but i do smile more.
15 was so old
it went by too fast
can i stay this way forever?
i dont want the future arriving.
I've been so good- I've been happy. tears visit more.
i was with a mom today
she was so loud.
unhappy and tired was her smile.
no
no
no
what if i no longer see beautiful things?
will my thoughts become survival instead of wonder and contemplation?
what if i become stuck because time was too quick to get rid of me?
people no longer are magic but drudgeries to be dealt with.
but rain? will i laugh in it like i used to?
please let there be pieces of mineself that ebb and flow but never drain out with life.
should i be thinking about these things at 4:29 with the crickets? no they say I'm young, that my life is ahead of me and i have all the time in the world. 
time is slipping
moments keep ending.
perhaps why they’re marvelous.
why im marvelous.
but how long til i hate myself again?
until my mind is a prison instead of a universe?
until books have no meaning and music pointless?
no
no 
please no.
I've changed so very much.
my wish is for the seconds and days and decades to bring me peace
tranquility as i lose moments.
i wont leave screaming and hateful at the beautiful world i love
im so young.
i should sleep.