Castles Made of Sand

I started to write a poem but then I realized that my poems aren’t ever the way I want them to be. I always try to convey a message of some sort and I think it gets lost in my brain. All the rhyming and line switching. It keeps me inside of some sort of boundaries.
I don’t do very well with creative boundaries.

Either way, as I sit here in the driveway, I keep thinking about you. You never leave my mind. When it’s good, it’s great. Like a dream come true. Each passing day is like a beautiful afternoon in the sun. On a beach. Sitting down. With nothing but laughter, love, and relaxation.

It’s a miracle when anyone gets to experience this feeling.
I wish it was like that every day.
We both know that isn’t possible.

Real life starts to strike.

On our beach, I started to build you a beautiful castle. The front gate was wonderful. I gathered wooden planks, to create a drawbridge. It kept all of the bad out. Would keep you safe, and allow you to choose when to raise it, and when to lower it. 
I made sure there was a huge ornate entranceway. You deserved to walk through the front doors and feel like a queen. Every day we added new rooms to the castle. Small rooms big rooms. Rooms for me to relax. Rooms for you to get a peace of mind.
The day we found out we were having a baby, we changed all of our plans.
The storms had come before and hurt what we had built. But we made sure that any damage done was repaired and made better than ever before.
We both dealt with the damage to our castle differently, but in the end, wanted the same results.
Safety, warmth, comfort, and most of all, no damn bugs!!!

Knowing we had a baby on the way, we hunkered down. Made sure that everything was a stable as possible.
Hell, we even changed locations to get away from the dangers of the waterline.
We finished our home just in time.
It wasn’t perfect but we had built it. It was ours.
We made sure to cover any blemish and fix any errors.
We were bringing our baby into our home!!!
I was so proud of the work we had done. You added pictures and decorations. Really turning it into a sanctuary. 
What a blessing to have you by my side.

But I made one fatal error.

No matter how wonderful it was, it was still made of sand.

The clouds started getting dark overhead.
Winds would come and move everything around. 
My amazing queen would obsess over getting everything back in its right place. Making sure it was perfect again.
I would sit and stare at the sky. Watching it get darker and darker.
I never said a word.
Just watched.

I could have prevented everything. Had I just opened my mouth and let you know.
But I just sat and stared.
You begged me to come inside and help you.
But I was just so worried about the storm.
I didn’t want you to get hurt.
I didn’t want anything to happen to the baby.
I had never seen a storm like this before.
You continued to beg.
I continued to watch.

Until one day, I looked outside and the sun started coming back out. No danger in sight.
I ignored what came before it. Just basking in the sunlight.
You kept telling me we needed to prepare for the storm again. The baby was coming!!!
We had to figure this out, and fast.
But I ignored it. Happy that you were safe.
Thankful for our love.

Shortly after, our beautiful baby boy came into this world. We had never been happier. 
Or so I thought.
We had this blessing in our arms. Nothing could stop us. 

But still, you talked about the storm. The dark clouds. The impending doom.

I started to understand what you meant. I knew our safety was at risk, if it were to ever come back.
So I made our home into a fortress. Its beauty was still hidden inside, but nothing could get out or get in. I thought I had saved the day. My family is safe from any outside threats!! They will love me and be thankful for my protection!

But one thing never changed.

It was still made of sand.

Then, on one fateful night. The winds started howling. The sky started cracking and grumbling, as if the heavens were split into a million pieces.

It all came so fast…
The walls were falling, the ground was sinking.
I heard the screams and cries from the ones I loved the most. But there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t help them get out. I couldn’t help the woman I love the most, escape to safety.
I couldn’t help the baby avoid the destruction.
You let me know the entire time “I told you!!!”
But it changed nothing.
I made a mistake. Out of the love I overlooked the most important thing. 

Listening…

You screamed… yelled.
Told me of every failure I ever made. Trapped beneath the sand I could hear you bellow in terror. Cursing my name!!

I searched for you. I called out. I kept asking questions. I just wanted to get you out of the wreckage. The baby was saved physically without any damage. I found him immediately.
But you were nowhere to be found.
Digging and digging.
I begged for you to call back to me. But no response.

Every once in a while I could swear I heard you hatefully saying my name. But it was never very clear.

Until one fateful day, I found you at last. 
I couldn’t believe it!! There you were right in front of me! I went to hug you and kiss you, but you were repulsed by my presence.
You told me to get away. To leave you alone. To never speak to you again.

It triggered something inside of me.
Something deep and dark.

How dare she not know how much effort I had put in to this castle. How dare she not understand how hard I had searched for her.
How dare she not feel my love seeping out of my pores.

I exploded.

Said everything a man could say to hurt someone.

And there. Right before my eyes. She disappeared. The baby disappeared.

My whole heart disappeared. Gone without a trace.

The only thing left in their place was a map and a letter.

The map made no sense. It was written in a foreign language. But parts of it looked familiar.

The note said something I could only hope to understand. 

“I am gone for me. Gone from you. Gone, gone, gone….
Search for me. Fight for me. I don’t want either one. But do it.
Fix what you have done. In ways you have yet to learn.”
-your Queen