Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks
on porcelain throne id est
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening

to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself in the holistic experience
for the pure love of bucket flushing
since applying plunger to no avail

found me able, eager, ready and willing

to whoosh upon a star to enlist
the entrepreneurial daring doo doo
of eldest offspring to design a *corkerasp,

and found (me) zee papa frankly
zapped, pooped, fatigued, et cetera out,

thus daring poster boy afflicted
by recurrent bouts of constipation

to share embarrassing communiqué I post,

a reasonably rhyming poetic shout out

 

to air flatulent grievances

concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim shady chance)

Mike Rowe happens tubby about,

though shadow of a doubt,

he will avail himself

anal eyes zing thee
nightly dump for yesterday

September 2^nd, 2024 - whereby

plying plunger in vain, cuz suction

 

barely helped obstruction give way,

I nearly lost me life and limb oy vey

oh my dog, the same asinine outcome

which spurred poet to get underway

matter of fact, a replay

of excretion almost
occurred earlier today,

and thus an attempt to describe

a tragicomic scenario

regarding bowel movement

the size of subway tram,

an urgent message to maintenance person,
yours truly must relay

overflowing potty nearly

found yours truly quay

king, yet impossible mission

arises to portray

with unsightly turgid prose
and cons of situation,

the juvenile elements of harried style

 

swiftly tailored, I hate to overplay

odoriferous subject matter

nsync with constipation

since laxative delineates,

expedites, facilitates,... née

posits heavy load emanating out rectum

quite amazing what
smelly waste exits out me

necessitating able linkedin line

O Captain! My Captain!

 

I signal emergency mayday

posterior end, a dime size orifice,

which malfunctioning sphincter muscles

one moost never be lackaday sic cull

though kids and adults
laughed back in the day,

if and/or when Danny Kaye

tactfully poked fun including that girl
at such critical bodily phenomenon

equally important as a jackstay

to keep afloat body electric

 

accursed with rectum ammunition
auxiliary accouterments interplay

analogously precise as
Swiss made timepiece

said system responsible
to expel bodily toxins

upon which sitting on porcelain throne

one can softly utter hooray

thankful to experience relative pleasure

until one becomes feeble minded,

 

whereat sixty plus shades of gray

matter allows, enables, and

provides enjoyably foray

into the bathroom, which entranceway

hoop fully not barred nor off limits

cuz that primitive
urge one best not delay

lest one requires lower

gastrointestinal intervention

especially if blocked up

fecal matter which turns to clay

unless of course one doth

cause damage and betray

respect toward well
oiled human machine

exercising and eating healthy

avoiding backside skeleton musculature issues,

yes... I reckon during twilight years

control over bowels doth slip away.

 

*The Essence Of A Corkerasp.

 

(which fictitious object contrived
by my then twenty plus year old
third year college student,
(who will turn twenty eight
on December twenty second),,
but SHE would never admit
to birthing such an offal bit of drek.

The essential name arose
from preschool, predicated,
precocious person, and the words....?

Whenever constipation a pain in the ass

just maneuver this lightweight
metal contrivance made of brass

no matter if anybody
considers this action crass

apply corkscrew motion

up the alimentary canal
to remove human waste,

which most likely
will be thick like petrified paste

 

stuck deep inside
bowels of sphincter muscles

and solidly encased

causing severe cramps
within lower gastrointestinal tract

inducing one to wince nonstop
from being fecal matter packed

and no amount of primal groaning
doth loose this hard fact,

nor does imagery of freed turd

 

ease formidable anal plight,
no laughing matter
despite how absurd

squeezing does nothing
even applying all inner might,

thus necessary to incorporate

un-natural intervention to un-clog

rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating

swelling anus the size of a hog

disabling bare derriere

ease to stand let alone jog,

yet tis essential
per extricating what feels

like one swallowed a log,

which could presage demise
of sufferer, whereby epitaph

twill induce impossible
eulogy spoken language

where tongues wag in Prague

every ounce of effort required to bend

 

over gingerly affixing
plunger end of device

to business of rear end

best accompanied in tandem
with close companion or friend

this dirty deed done
dirt-cheap trick will ideally rend

rock solid excrement to roll and crash

(on par traversing highway
to hell) soundcloud, I

without fail regularly out the tushy send

upon bathroom floor

possibly inducing tsunami
seismic waves less or more,

whereby toilet bowl water will pour

over the sides akin
to white caps near sea shore

without doubt making
gluteus maximums extremely sore.