I'm so stupid

JuneM

I really thought we could be something

We would talk all first period, walk each other to class

We flirted and laughed until I was sure I was falling

I thought you would too, thought everything was set in stone, not glass

Glass breaks so easily

So does a heart

And god, mine broke again, why does this happen so frequently?

Why do I piece myself back together only to fall apart?

I had a nickname for you, jumped on your back, sat with you at lunch

Walked with you and stayed by your side when nobody else would

I listened and learned, laughed and frowned, but now I have a hunch

We won't be doing that anymore, won't be doing much actually

I know its not your fault, it's mine

Because I was so stupid to think we could be more than friends

I was so stupid to dream and fantasize

And now here I am, alone again

I've dealt with pain before, yes, but its a scabbed wound that won't heal

The kind that never goes away, that sits in my stomach and waits

The one that you brought out when the truth between us was revealed

The truth that there isn't, and never was, an "us"

And god, there it is, that reverberating pain

Pounding through every vessel and vein

Because I know you weren't just a crush

I really, really, really liked you

And I wanted you to like me too

I just wish we could forget everything that was said

And go back to how things were again

I still remember everything, your birthday your puppy, your full name

Remember the pains you told me and all the jokes you'd make

I wish I could hug you, cry it out on your shoulder

And hear you whispering to me that its all over

But instead I cried on my pillow all night

Curled myself into a ball and wished I could just die

Thinking; stupid, stupid, stupid

So goddamn stupid

Because I loved you

But you didn't love me

And that simple truth

Has undone me completely

I'm so stupid

Why am I even writing this?

I'm so stupid

Alone again

...

 

 

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