I saw the TV glow

when am I going to wake up

 

I’ve been waiting

so many years

to one day

feel an existence

but it never comes

 

every day

passes the same

spending more time

staring through the glass

 

I don’t think I’m real

I’m just waiting

to get out of my coffin

and come to life

 

I was buried

when I saw the TV glow

and shattered my skull

through the screen

into the pink opaque

 

how do I know this is real

 

I don’t think

that I feel anything

that isn’t manufactured

 

I want a love

that’s only a snapshot

in time

 

I want a life

that passes by

in increments

 

everything blends

into a perfect motion picture

that slips away

far to easily

 

no matter how many

movies I film

I can never shake the feeling

that the character is me

I take pictures

but the memories still fade

there’s too much to carry

 

my consciousness

is only deluding me

I don’t exist for myself

 

-

 

when I was a little kid

I tried to kill myself

with a bottle of pills

and a warm bath

 

it’s not because

my life was all that bad

 

melancholy was pulling me

all the way down to hell

dragging my bones

like a sick dog

 

I thought death

was the only way

to feel alive

 

that the closer you are to it

the more you are living

so maybe if I die

I’ll finally wake up

 

I’m still sleeping