Imagining Death

You don’t know how many times I’ve pictured my car flipping on the road
Hoping that shit would crash and burn
Waiting for it to explode
With me inside of it
I’ve been wishing for the death of me
Putting it into someone else’s hands
Cause I know I won’t be able to that shit willingly
Hoping a car comes racing down the way
When I’m crossing the street on my way
Striking me, rolling off the windshield
Cracking that shit
Cracking my ribs
Denting his car
Throwing my body so far
Scratching his paint
While my body just faints
Ends up in a coma
Better than the trauma
Not waking up
Knowing no one’s showing up
Just laying there on life support
All alone
Waiting for the time they pull the plug
Put me out of my misery
Couldn’t do this myself, just wasn’t inside of me
So left it up to someone else
Couldn’t kill myself
Couldn’t kill myself
I just couldn’t
Trust me I tried
Multiple of times
Wanted my life to end
Don’t want to spend
Another second alive
I can no longer thrive
I’ve given it my all
But was never enough
So think I’m giving up
You just don’t know all I’ve imagined
All the ways I’ve imagined
Imagined dying
Leaving this place behind
Thought of so many scenarios
Blasting music through the stereos
Trying to cancel out all inner noises
Fuck all the voices
Imagining the worse things
Just imagining death
Can’t think of anything else
Just imagining death
Get rid of the stress
Get rid of the weight on my chest
That’s making it hard to breath
Wishing it would take away my last breath
Just imagining death
Just imagining death
Picturing myself blacking out
Falling to the ground
Hitting my head on the cement
Leaving an unhealable indent
Blood pouring outta my head
Soon to be pronounced dead
No one coming to my rescue
Cause no one cares about what happens to me
Just imagining getting rid of this misery
Just imagining death
Taking away my last breath
Leaving behind all the worries
Honestly I’m not sorry
I can’t handle it anymore
My world is crumbling to the floor
All I can do is imagine death
Imagine what it would be like if I were gone
Be able to undo all my wrongs
Wishing something would take me
Don’t care what it is
Just want to leave this place behind
Just imagining death
Leave this world behind
Thinking I’d be better off
If I was gone
Every night I close my eyes
Hoping I’ll never open them again
Never see the world again
Never feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin again
Never seeing my favourite people smile again
Hoping I never feel this way again
Never hearing my favourite song again
Never tasting my favourite foods again
Hoping I never see the blue sky again
Hoping I see the world from the sky instead
Imagining I get a blood clot in my head
Suffering from a stroke
Cough up blood and choke
Honestly don’t care how I go
I just know
I want to go
I just know
I can’t do it myself
So going to leave it up to someone else