To Limerance: my fleeting love

I don’t think vandalizing your shit will make you want me. It’s fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you and your fake love. Fuck you and your broken promises. Fuck your house, fuck your cats. Fuck your stupid smell that once brought me comfort. So yes, I went and I stabbed your tires wishing it was your neck instead. I opened the door and smelt that stupid smell, I slashed your seats and pissed on them as the cherry on top. I hope you’re pissed. I hope you think twice before cheating on another woman. Think twice to stab someone willingly, whenever their only desire was to ease your pain. Then you turn around and cause them more pain than they already bear.

Did you think you’re the only one who carries the burden of hurt? Well, I hope I hurt you. I hope it squeezed your cold dark heart when you saw your precious car deranged. I hope it hurt your pockets- that you cried because living isn’t easy in this economy and the only relatively nice thing you have has been marked. 

At least I know you thought of me. I know it was easy for you to shove me in the back of your mind, as if my love meant nothing. You see, I can’t always be the bigger person. Not when you step and stomp on something as fragile as the human heart.

You’re so stupid you probably just think I’m fucking crazy, not realizing: every woman you encounter is not someone you can objectify as a simple to delight to indulge then discard at your own convenience. 

It’s your fault. I don’t give a damn. You’re disgusting. You beat on your dogs, you hurt women emotionally and physically. You live broke, in a sad ugly home with nothing but stains and roaches on the walls. 

You watch porn, addicted to other men receiving sexual pleasure, and you make pedophilic jokes. 

You took enjoyment in sweeping me off my feet, while you slowly took the oxygen from my lungs. I thought it truly was pure love as my heart would skip a beat at your sight, boy, you’d have me breathless. You danced with me, you sung me love songs; showed up as my knight and shining armor who was going to protect and provide, save me from the horrors of the world. Little did I know you were killing me, suffocating me for your own enjoyment as you watched my emotions for you grow. 

My adoration for you skyrocketed. I saw you with pure love. Pure, not mixed or adulterated with any other substance, free of any contamination, wholesomely, untainted by immorality. The thought of you warmed my chest. 

I bowed my head in submission to you,I got rid of every selfish desire, to humble myself before you.  Instead, of recognizing the act as honorable, you chose to see it as a weakness, bringing a sword down upon my neck as I kneeled.

I took all your shit, your fucking baggage, your lying, telling me I’m not enough, the jealousy. 

Ah the rollercoaster of death, with your name on it, decorated by flowers and sweet promises of prosper. 

Now you have another woman riding this tunnel of illusion. Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to the Caraval! A fool's paradise! It’s filled with love bombing, sweet nothings, and banners of marriage. 

Go ahead, fill the darkness in your house with your masquerades. Where lover girls die and are buried. Keep up with your little facade, ornament your home to appear it attractive. But know, I know, you’re a pathetic human being. You’re small and lonely. God you can’t even muster up enough courage to tell the damn truth. You need a woman to feed your ego. To make you feel somewhat of a man because you’re so damn insecure. Let’s face it, we both know you couldn’t amount to it, even though you direly wish to. 

What you fail to realize is that masculinity doesn’t feed off femininity, devouring it until there is nothing left. Instead, it protects it. That makes you a killer. A menacing, ugly, destructive killer. May you turn to God before you yourself become devoured. Watch your back Limerance, or you might die.