Stuck in the Cycle

I can't think

I can't breathe

I'm trapped in a space

Of timeless memories

There's a smack here

A kick there

A blade here

A pill there

I can't feel

So I make myself feel

I try to find that pain

And I pay in scars

My father is sitting next to me

But the only thing I

Can think of is how

He used to hit me

And the voices fill my head,

A drowning sound,

Demanding me

Dead

I hear the jokes,

"Go kill yourself"

And the words,

"Abuse"

And when a girl punched another,

I started shaking and never stopped.

I saw my past and wished

Every moment was my last

I cried my eyes red,

But look,

Hey,

"You're leaving on Tuesday"

And it'll all be over soon

I'll feel normal again too

I'll laugh with my friends

And hope my life never ends

My memories seem to invade

And block my lungs from air

And I try to escape,

But life's just not fair

So, I tried to kill myself,

So many times,

All because my memories

Are how I'm defined.