I am nothing to you.

When I tell you my brilliant day I had you are the one who turns it into one of the worst.

You turn sunshine into rain and block out the rainbow with grey

When I ask why you say it's realistic

But you wouldn't even try to see the upside

My whole life was for your judgement and you slammed the hammer down each time.

Not.good.enough.

Not.

Good.

Enough.

Every idea every thought every move.

Wrong.

Could have been better.

Even when I ask you not to. To just pretend.

You say okay. And then 5 minutes later the hammer is beating faster than my heartbeat.

Smashing and crushing my work.

My effort.

I'll pick up the pieces and arrange it together for you to tap it down. 

And the worst part. The worst part. Is that I don't know if it's in my head or not.

Am I the overly optimistic person that needs bringing down sometimes

Am I the one that can't handle the obvious truth

Am I the one not enough

Or is it because for my whole life. I haven't been released yet.

I haven't seen the sunshine yet. 

Blocked by the grey.

And I see your face. When I am about to win the argument. Screwed up like a little kid. About to sob. And I let it go. Because I can't cause you the pain i felt from you. Not even a fraction.

What you do isn't on purpose. But when I ask you to stop. And you still don't understand. It crushes me. To know that you aren't even trying and that you don't get it.

You just don't get it.

And I can't even do the same thing back to you.

I can't.

My heart aches for the pain I could cause you. But I colour over the grey for you each time. Every single one.

To live your entire life feeling like every single thing you do is wrong. Every lunch option. Every breath. Every step. 

To feel. Like. The worst person ever.

To make every single wrong choice.

Until I give up. 

And I am nothing.

Because at least nothing won't get anything wrong.

It's not honesty it's not reality it's not. 

It can't be.

I'm not weak.

I'm not.

I'm nothing

And nothing is the best I can be.

The best thing to you that I can give.