Justified Humanity

My heart beats so hard that it hurts and every so often my temples swell

My shoulders keep tension compared to the rope I've woven to climb out of this well.

My eyes drift to the back of my head in the morning

To a point I go unconscious as my body caves with fatigue

An exhaustion not all the rest in the world could appease.

My grip goes slack every time I shake a person's hand

Just as the grip I have on reality wears like an age old elastic band

Gets caught in my hair and makes a tangled mess.

Neglect that I admit to and often confess.

My soul wavers with guilt because of my gamble; ample the denial of my own pride - playing life like a game of chess, as though at the end there were a prize.

I am cowardly and weak

At least that's what I tell myself.

At least that's what they've said.

No sweet nothings - no one whispers I love you

No cautious, affectionate touch

These mind numbing cigarettes my only crutch.

They don't have to say it, but I can see the morbid curiosity in their eyes

Regards for what's made me mine

I am so tired of the cynicism in these reflections defined

I want to crush them with a hammer and take the nails out from its hinges with the claw

Maybe then it'll be so the mirror never talks

And I can forget all the things it ever told me and all the things I ever saw.