Not meant for me

I pray in my poems
I try to speak hope into existence
When I put my armor down
When I am tired of persistence
When I know very vaguely how
When I make up my own clues
When the story is over
When I'm parading with the truth
When a plan is a nuisance
When a thought is obsolete
When I'm fighting on both sides
And they are both losing
I guess I should stop 
I guess I should breathe
This load is not really mine to carry
It was never meant for me.