After the Army

Too young to expect levelheadedness, too rowdy for calm decision making,

adventure fueled by Kentucky bourbon, always seeking faster pace.

A sweetheart from my dreams appeared almost in time to cure me,

blue eyes and perfect smile that kept me from forfeiting the race,

made me at least accept sobriety was available for the taking.

One cold experience left me practicing survival for a while,

a near fatal motorcycle sideswipe by a less than sober operator.

In the year it took to heal she held my hand and cheered my progress

while I snubbed this nearly last discussion with my creator,

there was no medicine or treatment to compare with her smile.

Still the nights after were ego driven, hard partying the norm,

beating drums and tickling well-worn ivory levers,

too many promises insincerely sworn,

missing signs that should have warned me;

too many 'sometimes' got drowned out by almost nevers.

She was my salvation if I had only chosen to let her,

so often those long-gone chances missed fire my depression.

That life of normalcy seemed too dull; a choice still mightily regretted,

leaving me for all these later years to wonder and to question

if that after army judgement could not somehow have been better.