surrender with dignity

I stepped away from my poetry for a long time now.

For one to be a poet, one must reflect his world into words.

For one to reflect, one must absorb.

And that is what I was doing.

I stayed back and try to be as far of myself as possible.

Like astral projection.

While experiencing the world with your eyes may get too much in the way.

It sometimes works and it did for me.

As my birthday approaches, I'd like to think of it as an end to a state of being.

A start to another.

I always fight too hard.

Try too hard. All the damn time.

and I always end up injured.

To always heal different and I change.

So, I leave and run from what I know, I leave that is what I do.

New sets of colors new sets of emotions.

To match my growth as a person.

Towards my highest self’s will.

I have been thinking about will a lot.

What it represents and how it should be approached.

I once wrote that the power of will lies in the will of that power.

How it can add to you.

How it can grow thorns or bloom flowers.

It takes all over you, you are what you think.

You are what you say.

You think yourself into being.

Right from the provenance of darkness.

Into the light.

And darkness is always mistaken.

The land of the lost.

The absence of guiding light.

But darkness birthed light.

As it gave it the space to be.

A place to start.

choose your powers wisely.

the ones you aim to collect.

Not the ones you dream to “tame”.

and that's where I went wrong.

No one can tame reality, so it goes where they go.

One must be one with reality, so it can get familiar with them.

Absorbs them to get identified.

Through individuality and surrender.

And I surrendered :).

once you reach a state of complete acceptance.

You split in two contrary halves.

That dances in perfect synchronization.

The wisdom needed to change what it ought to be change.

and the understanding to accept what should be accepted.

not through defeat, but through honorable resignation.

and that again where I went wrong.

I stayed so long in a state of rejection.

Trying so hard as before.

To be something else.

To dream somewhere else.

While keeping my true will waiting.

for an arduous amount of time.

and now I understand.

I apologized.

and most importantly, accepted the apology.

For now, the thought of life doesn't scare me anymore.

The dream to vanish is gone.

Life lives through you.

She is a dancer.

You are the dance.

The opposite can happen.

Sometimes we get distracted.

 Sometimes we dance.

But never to dance the dance of another.

I now am ready to contribute.

For the first time in a lifetime.

I feel young.