Thoughts

“Just stop thinking about it” you said

My absolutely flabbergasted expression must have been as surprising to you as those words were to me. As if I haven’t tried to entirely distract myself with literally anything and everything. I’ve picked up and put down habits in an effort to mute the thoughts stuck on constant loop. I’ve dove headfirst into books and shows and listened to all of the self help podcasts. I’ve discussed it over and over again with therapists and friends.

How in the world do you detach a thought from your brain? How can you detach the vines that the thought has created that are now intricately wound through main arteries? It’s no longer just a thought in my brain, it courses through my very veins and has become an integral part of my existence. How can I fully detach it when removing one vine creates seven more? No matter how tactfully I work to remove the vines it tears away little pieces of me.  How can I just not think about something that is a part of me?

My repeated need to speak on this may frustrate you but is the very bane of my existence. That I can’t let the thought go. That I can’t stop speaking on it. That the thought has an incessant need to be at the front of my mind. 

“Okay. Right. I’ll try that.”