Bearing the Weight of My Previously Unasked Questions

The Weight of My Previously Unasked Questions 

---1
My bad for not asking you crucial questions, friend,

As a child who was praying over fellow children  at eighteen...

My bad for not asking you crucial questions, friend,

Since I've been in unforeseen encounters

During bus rides to Half Way Tree.

 
---2
In the midst of my fervor to know Christ,

My bad for praying for constant protection of each person I call friend.

How could I have known that God would charge me to pray in the midst of my own lack?

Who proclaims a tough message to strangers unless God has their back?

 
---3
The answer I sought was a gift of the Holy Spirit;

Wrapped up, tied up, tangled up in Jesus’ crown of thorns.

A call to have more than hope, but faith...

A sound that blared over my doubts, spurring me despite the familiar feeling of being afraid.

 
---4
“It is finished”, Jehovah declared on the cross, 

Yet still I scoffed at his proclamation like it was a Jamerican's twang. 

How? My spirit wailed.

I still didn't understand my authority despite knowing gospel songs.

---5
Maybe I shouldn’t have taken so long to ask the obvious,

I should have told you how a random woman spoke life to me from a bus’s double seat.

My bad if when I relate her quiet admonition,

You would see why I was the first of 10 passengers rushing away from the vehicle and into the Kingston heat.

 
---6
I could have ignored the pull I felt to you,

So I would not now be ranting to you about my Lord.

But I couldn’t have known that fellow passenger would ask me if I was saved in the name of Christ.

So my bad if I said "yes, of that fact she could rest assured."

 
---7
I’m saying sorry for all these actions

Because I now know I had only one choice then.

I wanted to say, One Stop Driva quietly and under my breath,

But I craved more of the armor of God, so my trip of addiction and grief could come to an end.

---8
Now I'm no longer living like I was living; 

I'm not beholden to the unpredictability of this life. 

Is it really bad if one scary lady had me inviting the Holy Spirit in?

Is it so wrong to loose my death grip on suicide?

---9
It is my bad that I want something eternal.

So please hit me with the facts of surviving on Earth.

Really, keep me grounded in the understanding that each bleak problem is ‘just life’.

Why then does a blessed assurance spotlight where God's goodness counteracts each and every hurt?

 
---10
It is by grace that I am saved,

And Salvation permits the Spirit of Christ to dwell in me.

Honestly, God's been carrying my burdens since before that schoolday trip......

Now, he's reusing all my bad and the Spirit helps me understand peace.

by W.h.A.

December 2024