Cost of Control

Belittled by your tormentor as a tool
Subjected to harsh scrutiny not knowing why
While you have no control in your own life
There were days I wished I would die

When physical abuse available to her
Maintaining any sense of me hard to hold
Threats to lie to my father about the abuse
Only strengthened her total control

A POW in my own home feeling so small
She found great pleasure in her power
Demanding I ingratiate myself to her
Spent my childhood learning to cower

As an adult seeking a better relationship 
I would learn she despised the control lost
Much like the convicts I would work with later
She sought to injure verbally regardless of cost

For to anger someone is to control them
Injuring what is important to them to do so
Speaking ill of me, my father and children 
Her feeble attempts at harm to bestow 

These reasons for removing her from my life
First I had to rid my heart of the hate
My own mental health made it mandatory 
Continuing a relationship only testing fate

Admission of guilt and asking forgiveness 
With those hard for me to say no
Perhaps we could have reconciled 
Looks like now we’ll never know

I have no problem wearing the criticism 
So many saw only a side that was fake
Love the part she allowed you to see
Judging my choices your mistake 

JBentley-18Oct2023