Dear depression

Waking up to puddles of sweat

Felt like I hit my head

Drunk with guilt

When I’m home

They didn’t know how I felt

When they left me alone

Wish instead of guilt I had power

Now I lie awake for hours

Daydreaming of a life that’s different

Things I could’ve done but didn’t

I’ve found peace with the way things are now

Nothing to be ashamed of just me being proud

Am I there yet? 

Have I finally lost it?

Have I finally snapped?

Did I finally fight back?

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to

I’m sorry, did I hurt you

Or did you hurt me

Last I checked you left me to bleed

Open the gates of heaven

Here comes a flood

Did I mention

You drew first blood

no need to turn around

it's a long way down

Is it too late to look around

to leave right now

that would be a struggle

no magic in me so i guess you can call me a muggle

that's a reference for my Harry Potter fans

No time to read inbetween the lines

no time to plan

i'm just fine 

living the way that i am

I might not make it to 20

that's what one guy told me

might die lonely

while i'm still a teen

Thoughts I don’t dare to scream

because i know

that if i make them known

people will be scared for me

all alone

because they left me bleeding

i lost all hope

because i know that even if i had it people would still leave me

I used to lay in bed crying myself to sleep

now i lay in bed holding back my tears

lay in bed trying not to scream

because my greatest fear

is people not hearing me

Sometimes i lay awake wondering 

what would happen to people, if i was gone

Would they miss me

at my funeral would they play this song

in remembrance of me

Will they cry because they miss me

or would they lie and say they hated me

Or would that be the truth

either way id die in my youth

if i would die lonely

is the question to ask

 Would anyone be there to speak at my funeral about me

Or would everyone pass

on the opportunity

To say nice things

about me

or not because they hate me just the same

because even when i'm dead

 i still cause them so much pain

feel like i hit my head

like i'm caught in a daze

wondering where i am

Wondering if all my friends are fake

but i'm still in bed

Taking pills to hide the pain

no medicine is strong enough to numb my brain

That’s how i feel every single day