Insanity

Quite rude, vulgarity utilised - not yet completed - the first draft for a drama I’ve been composing. Feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you.

Insanity:

(Nicki and Esteban are kissing in the alleyway beside a pub. Nicki is pressed up against the wall, with Esteban’s tongue down her throat.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Oh my God… It’s like shagging a baby gorilla…
Nicki out loud: Kiss me good…
Esteban: You like? You need!
Nicki’s internal thoughts: About as much as a car crash.
Nicki out loud: You’re very… talented. If you’ll excuse me I must clean myself up.
Esteban: No take long.
(Esteban slaps Nicki’s bum as she walks away.)

(Nicki is in the bathroom of the pub, she shakily holds her phone.)
Nicki: Siree, call Cindy…
Siree: Does not compute
Nicki: Call Cindy…
Siree: Calling Cindy… There seems to be no-one of that name existing at this time…
Nicki: What? No! Call Cindy…
Siree: Calling Cindy… There seems to be no-one of that name existing at this time
Nicki: Shit!
(Esteban bangs loudly on the door outside.)
Esteban: Come lover! Me need sexy time! Come!
Nicki: Shitting Hell! (To Esteban) Coming lover! (To herself) damn!
(Nicki straightens herself back up, quickly composing herself, and drying her eyes, before stepping out. She wraps her legs around Esteban, kissing him. Suddenly armed police break the pub door, pointing their guns at Nicki.)
Officer: Armed police! Put your hands above your head, Miss!
Nicki: (To the police) What the Hell’s going on.
Officer: Armed police! Put your hands above your head, I won’t say it again! Hands above your head!
Nicki: Will you please tell me what is going on?

(Nicki is arrested.)

Nicki’s thoughts: It’s funny really… I lost it all that night. My home, job, family, friends, respectability… All on the say so of a white wolf… or black elephant… or fuck it, a red zebra… who the hell cares now? I haven’t been myself, not for some time now, or maybe I’m more myself now than ever, I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. I didn’t know myself much before this. Now I’m really confused. What is it they misinterpret as “falling in love,” a socially acceptable, yet still stigmatised formation of psychological irregularity? Or did I just make that up? What would I know…? It’s hard to comprehend who I was before… who I might have become… or even who I am now. It’s hard to know who I was before I met you…

(Reverse back time)

(Nicki is sat in group therapy. She is reciting a prayer with everyone else.)

Nicki out loud: Almighty God, we bless you for our lives, we give you praise for your abundant mercy and grace we receive. We thank you for your faithfulness even though we are not that faithful to you. Lord Jesus, we ask you to give us all around peace in our mind, body, soul and spirit. Amen…

Nicki’s internal thoughts: What a load of bollocks. Look at them all, reciting a useless pile of lies. At least I’m real. I’m breathing. They all look as though they could kick the curb at any moment. Think they all hate me here. Fake smiles, pretentious. Look of utter bollocks. I wouldn’t blame them for hating me. I’d hate me too if I wasn’t forced to look at myself in everyone else. But wait, if I hate me, then I hate everyone, ‘cause I am everyone, aren’t I? So if I’m not me today, then who here am I? Maybe I’m him…

(Nicki looks at a man sitting across from her. He’s well dressed, with grey hair, and a white beard. He’s overweight, and that leaves him insecure.)

Nah… I’m not him. Too insecure. To whiny. Too… him?

(Nicki eyes everyone questioningly, not saying a word. Suddenly, the therapist, a lovely woman called Sue, speaks directly to Nicki.)

Sue: So Nicki, how are you?

(Nicki doesn’t listen, she intently stares.)

Sue: Nicki?

(Sue waves her hand in front of Nicki’s face.)

Earth to Nicki…

(Nicki continues to stare, Sue leaves her alone.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: I’m sure I heard her say Nicki. Was she talking to me? She waved her hand in front of my face… but she didn’t say my name. My name is Michelle… or at least it was this morning. I may change it again. Katharine? Nah. That’s rubbish. I know, Sputnik. Like the space shuttle. Or was he an astronaut? Or was he a cowboy? Was he even a “he?” Fat fuck, either way. Like him over there.

(A woman starts talking, Nicki doesn’t listen, she just stares.)

Wonder what she’s in here for… robbed a bakery? I wouldn’t put it past her. Cost of cake nowadays, daylight robbery. It’s enough to make me get a cap and gun. Maybe I will. I’ll be doing the world a service.

(The therapy session comes to an end, Nicki watches everyone stand up and talk. She continues sitting down, still staring. She hasn’t spoken a single word, she sits motionless, clenching and unclenching her fists.)

Vulnerability. I mean, you need that to come here. I don’t think I have any of that. I admire it in others, though. Suppose it takes courage. They speak out loud what we all keep trapped within. Maybe I should learn. Maybe it’s too late. Yeah. It’s too late.

(Nicki tries to pour herself some coffee, but burns her hands with the hot liquid.)

Nicki: Ah! Shit!

(A woman approaches Nicki from behind, a woman called Cindy. She has blonde hair, and blue eyes.)

Cindy: Burn yourself?

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Thank fucking God we got Albert Einstein’s incestuous sister over here.

Nicki out loud: Yeah. Just about.

Cindy: Hate when that happens.

Nicki out loud: It’s unfortunate, isn’t it? Why can’t it happen just as we die?

(Cindy laughs uncomfortably, Nicki doesn’t notice Cindy’s discomfort.)

Cindy: True that. I’m Cindy. What’s your name?

Nicki: What’s your name?

Cindy: I just told you, it’s Cindy.

Nicki: That’s my name too…

Cindy: No way!

(Nicki grimaces as Cindy keeps talking.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Fuck off already.

Nicki out loud: (Imitating Cindy) No way!

Cindy: What’s your favourite colour?

Nicki: What’s your favourite colour?

Cindy: Blue.

Nicki: Blue’s mine too.

Cindy: No way. We have so much in common.

(Nicki starts to exaggerate and mock Cindy’s speech.)

Nicki: No way! We have so much in common. Let’s get our nails done and gossip over boys. Oh look there’s one we can shag, we can tell him to stick the side of his crotch right up my wanker.

(Cindy is oblivious to Nicki’s mocking tone.)

Cindy: That sounds like so much fun!

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Thick bitch.


(Nicki is in her kitchen, eating toast, reading a newspaper. The newspaper is only small, full of local news stories and articles. Nicki’s just skimming through, not even reading the headlines. She throws the paper away, frustrated.)

Nicki: useless pile of shit!

(The paper knocks the only glass she owns off the sink side, smashing it.)

Nicki: Fuck this!

(Nicki walks out of the house, slamming the door. She’s still in her pyjamas. She walks down the street, smoking. A gang is hanging out at the bottom of the street, smoking weed. Nicki walks directly through them, not saying a word. The gang’s leader, a hairy-faced bold chap named Dennis grabs Nicki’s shoulder. Nicki, without thinking, swings her arm, and slaps him. Before continuing her walk. She doesn’t even look back. Nicki makes it to the park, sitting on the swing.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Look at this dump. It’s a complete shit hole. Good God! The government’s let ‘em in ‘an’t they? Piece of garbage. You can’t go anywhere round here without getting beaten. Cars drive on the fucking grass. Twats!

(A woman approaches Nicki with her small child.)

Oh good God. Here comes the cavalry…

(The woman, a short, overweight brown haired woman called Ananda, and her daughter of about seven, who is very overweight too stands in front of Nicki, looking annoyed. Nicki ignores them, continuing to swing, kicking out, hitting the woman in the stomach, and very nearly kicking the child. Nicki is unfazed by their presence.)

Amanda: Miss…? Miss…?

Nicki’s internal thoughts: One sheep, two sheep, one fat cow, two fat cows… Exactly what I was thinking. Maybe if I imagined a bull dozer, it might come true.

(Nicki eventually looks up, badly faking sweetness.)

Nicki out loud: What?!

Amanda: It’s my daughter’s turn now. She wants to swing.

Nicki out loud: And I want you to wear a bra that fits. Cover it up, love, it’s droopy.

(Amanda attempts to slap Nicki, but Nicki grabs her hand, jabbing her in the eye, and kicking her in the gut.)

Piss off! And lose some weight, ya fat cow!

(Amanda storms off with her daughter, crying. Nicki is unfazed by this, and continues to swing. Nicki spends two hours on the swing, before deciding to leave. She kicks the leaves as she walks, not smiling at all.)

(Nicki drags herself into a cafe, before sitting down. A tired barista called Joanna walks towards her.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Pissing stinks in here, a proper shot hole. The staff look overworked. Pathetic! Oh look, here comes Barbie.

Joanna: Hello Miss. How can I help?

Nicki out loud: Tea please kid.

Joanna: A tea?

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Is she thick or what?

Nicki out loud: (Mocking the barista) A tea? Why does it clash with your complexion darling?

(Joanna stutters)

Joanna: N-no, I…

Nicki out loud: Piss off!

(Nicki walks out of the cafe.)


(Nicki aggressively walks into her house, slamming the doors. She walks around aimlessly, in a circle, gripping her hair, and screaming. She sees her reflection and punches it. Before the screen turns black.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: “There’s no shame in vulnerability,” that’s what I was told when I finally cracked enough for someone to see the real me… Fuck ‘em!


(Nicki is hungover in her bed. Her sheets are covered in sick, smelling from days of unwashed sheets. All of her clothes are dirty, and smell, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Her only bedroom is a mess. Clothes scattered all over the floor, her window is broken letting in an uncomfortable draft, her walls have disgusting pictures all over them. It’s a mess. Nicki’s life is a mess.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Sod them all, the little pricks. Stealing our jobs. Stealing our women, little bastards. I’d screw ‘em. It’s funny, I feel free. For the first time in my life, I want to fuck them all! Little wankers. They’re a mess out there, pathetic! They should become me. Pathetic… Little… Me…

(Nicki drags herself out of bed, and walks downstairs. She opens her fridge, the milk has spoiled, and there’s no more bread.)

Nicki out loud: Fuck! The little bastards screwed me over.

(Nicki takes out a cigarette, and lights it up. She turns on the television. On the screen, is a woman. She has piercing blue eyes, and a kind smile.)

Nicki out loud: Who the hell is that lovely lady?

(The woman is Michelle Collins, an actress. Nicki looks at her, wide-eyed. Not knowing what to think.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: I’d totally like a piece of her.

Nicki out loud: She is stunning…

(Nicki showers herself with a hosepipe, before heading out to find this mystery woman.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Ever experienced love at first sight? It’s a powerful grip, like a sinking ship, almost. It weighs you down. You want to stay afloat, but it’s got you, and once you’re in place, you’re gonna fucking die, aren’t ya? Holy shit, those eyes. They weigh on ya. Like you have nothing else to live for. I could die right now, and the only thing I know is those eyes. Fuck! Watch this space…

(Nicki storms into a cafe)

Nicki out loud: Anybody seen a woman?

(Nicki is met with blank stares. A woman with short hair slowly raises her hand.)

Woman: I-

(Nicki interrupts her)

Nicki out loud: Piss off dyke!

(The woman scurries out.)

Nicki out loud: Come on people! It ain’t an hard question, you can’t all be gay in ‘ere, can’t ya?

(The cafe’s manager, a man called Stevie, appears.)

Stevie: Excuse me ma’am, how may I help you?

Nicki out loud: Who the hell are you? You ain’t no woman. Unless you’re infertile, and have decided to embody a man. I mean, hey, I wouldn’t blame ya mate. You see, I was always told a woman’s purpose is to breed, so without the correct machinery you ain’t a woman, are ya? May as well chop off the hairy bits, and shag with no kid.

Stevie: Please leave.

Nicki out loud: Fuck off you slag! Not until I find the woman. Where is she?

Stevie: What woman?

Nicki out loud: Don’t you “what woman” me, you know. The whole world knows. She’s on the telly. Blonde chick. Blue eyes. Stop pissing about and tell me.

Stevie: Please… calm down. You’re upsetting other people…

(Nicki looks up as the screen goes black.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Lean on it. Love it. Live in history. Keep it. Believe it. Stood still, retreat. Lean on it. Love it. Live in history. Keep it. Believe it. Stood still, retreat. Fucking lean on it! Lean on it! Lean on it, you fucking tosser!

(Nicki opens her eyes, she’s in a hospital bed. Her hand is handcuffed to the bed railing. She tries to shake it, but it’s no use, she’s stuck. She screams, an ear piercing scream.)

Nicki out loud: Get me out! Get me fucking out of here you fucking wanker!

(Nicki kicks the wall aggressively, trying to punch with her free hand. A doctor walks in. She has blue eyes, and blonde hair, like the woman on the telly. Nicki immediately calms down, and looks up. The woman is called Cindy. Cindy walks towards Nicki, gently feeling her forehead, Nicki is frozen in confusion.)

Cindy: Hello Nicki. How are you feeling?

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Boots, Boots, Boots, Boots, Drown, Drown, Drown, Drown, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Fly, Fly, Fly, Fly

Cindy: Nicki?

Nicki’s internal thoughts: She’s laughing, and I’m laughing. She’s laughing, and I’m laughing. A sunken spirit… she’s a sunken spirit… I want to sink this spirit…

(Nicki smiles widely, looks directly at Cindy, and kicks her. Cindy staggers back, with her hand over her now bleeding nose.)

Nicki out loud: Boots, Boots, Boots, Boots, Drown, Drown, Drown, Drown, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Fly, Fly, Fly, Fly

(A group of nurses run in, trying to keep Nicki sedate, but she kicks them all away, screaming, she repeats her mantra again and again. The doctors try to speak to her, calmly.)

Doctor 1: Nicki! Nicki! Calm down… Nicki!

(Nicki cannot hear. She sings to herself, looking up at the ceiling.)

Nicki out loud: Somewhere over the rainbow…

(Nicki’s eyes suddenly start to change, they change colour, and roll back in her head, as her body convulses, she’s having a heart attack, and is placed in an induced coma.)

(Nicki is physically in an indoctrinated state, but mentally, she is wide awake.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: What the fuck just happened?

(Nicki looks around. She’s dressed in provocative clothing, tight jean shorts, boots and no bra. She’s sees her reflection, and scowls at herself, looking repulsed.)

Nicki out loud: You fucking tart!

(From behind Nicki, a voice appears. A woman with blonde hair, and blue eyes.)

Woman: Thank you.

Nicki out loud: Who are you?

Woman: Who are you?

Nicki out loud: I asked you first…

Woman: I asked you first…

Nicki out loud: Slut!

Woman: Slut!

(Nicki looks at this woman dumbfounded.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Mental. Absolutely mental…

(Nicki closes her eyes and opens them, the woman has gone. Nicki scratches her head in confusion, before walking down the street. A man slaps Nicki hard on the bum as she walks by, she turns around to face him, but he’s gone. No trace of him.)

(Nicki walks into a restaurant, and sees a phone. Her hands tremble slightly from the cold, and… something else, but she can’t quite work out what it is.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Okay… Okay… you will be okay… just be you… just be you… yes, a phone box. A real phone box. It’s solid. It’s stable… it’s there. All I got to do is grab it…

(Nicki is thrown into a wall as she walks to get the phone. She stands up, weakly, disoriented, and shaking, there are tears in her eyes.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: What the hell just happened?

(The woman, a fat blonde stands over Nicki, she’s three time Nicki’s size, with a moustache, and unfitted bra. Nicki is furious with this lady.)

Nicki out loud: Oi! What the hell was that for?

Woman: Fuck off you slag!

(The woman punches Nicki in the face, knocking her to the floor. Nicki gets up and staggers out, as she leaves, people loudly cheer. Nicki’s eyes fill with tears, as she continues walking.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: There’s no memory quite like the past… Not now, anyway. I intend not to sit in my own filth, but revel in it. Bleed it out, the put a plaster on and hope it goes away. But does it ever go away? Nah. I’ve judged every slag. Every dick. Every ounce of person, big, small, fat, thin. And never once was I satisfied. They tried to, I’ll give them that, they tried to. But every shitter I’ve come across is a tosser turned wank. It’s weird, isn’t it? How I’m here… and they’re there. A fine line in between. “Hold tight, hosepipe,” I said to them. And they didn’t hear me. Or I didn’t hear me, it was loud after all. Fuck! You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this, cleanliness, isn’t about wiping the shit out of your arse. It’s about the everyday. It’s about the every day…

(As Nicki is still thinking, she is shoved into a wall. As she collides, she views her reflection again, before making contact with the floor.)

Nicki out loud: What the hell was that for?

(There’s nobody there.)

Nicki out loud: Good riddance!

(Nicki finally finds her house after getting lost in the streets. She turns on the TV. The same woman comes on the screen, Nicki breathes a sigh of relief.)

Nicki out loud: At least she’s normal.

(Nicki sees herself reflected in the window. She throws a cup at the window, shattering the glass.)

Nicki out loud: Fuck off you slag!

(Nicki continues to watch the television. Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door. Nicki begrudgingly gets up to answer it.)

Nicki out loud: What?

(The same woman from therapy, and the hospital… Cindy… isn’t it?)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Oh for fucks sake! This blonde bitch, again.

Cindy: Hello Nicki…

Nicki out loud (mocking Cindy): Hello Nicki. What do you want?

Cindy: To ask you out…

Nicki’s internal thoughts: She ain’t bad looking. Too much lipstick, she’s orange like fucking Donald Trump, she’s the most annoying sex doll I ever saw, but I’m oddly compelled…

Nicki out loud: Yeah, yeah, whatever. When?

Cindy: Tonight?

Nicki out loud: What the hell made you think I didn’t already have plans?

Cindy: Oh… sorry, I didn’t realise.

Nicki out loud: Chill out, I don’t.

Cindy: So is that a yes.

(Nicki smiled a bit.)

Nicki out loud: Yeah, go for it… see ya tonight.

Cindy: Okay. Bye Nicki…

Nicki out loud: See ya…

(Nicki dresses up nicely, or at least tries to. She wears a black jumper, trousers, and washes her hair with the hosepipe. She enters the pub to find Cindy sitting at a table.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: By Jove she’s stunning…

Nicki out loud: Hello Cindy…

(Cindy is nowhere to be seen. Nicki looks around the room. Not seeing Cindy. There’s a man sitting at the table. A man called Esteban.)

Esteban: Nicki isn’t it? You look lovely…

Nicki out loud: Do I know you?

Esteban: You agreed to step out with me yesterday.

Nicki out loud: No-I… I… I didn’t

Esteban: Yes you did, in the streets.

Nicki: I was at home last night…

Esteban: You look lovely for someone who’s homeless… You slut…

Nicki out loud: Excuse me, I need to use the restroom…

(Nicki runs into the bathroom, sweating, and shaking.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Breathe Nicki… Breathe… Breathe Nicki… Breathe… Maybe it won’t be so bad, maybe I’ll like him… maybe he’ll like me…

(Nicki’s hands shake as she walks across the restaurant and sits across from Esteban.)

Esteban: What took you so long?

Nicki out loud: Just fixing my face…

Esteban: You slags are all the same.

Nicki out loud: Indeed we are.

(The waitress comes over.)

Waitress: Hello. What can I get for you both today?

Esteban: I’ll get a burger. Don’t get her anything, though. The fat slag is supposed to keep me warm later, how can she do that with all that flab?

(The waitress doesn’t listen, or care. She walks away, without even looking at Nicki.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Am I really that fat? I hardly noticed. Maybe I put on a bit of weight? I hardly noticed. I’m not slim, I’ve never been slim… he’s no prize himself… but I’m no prize either. So we in a way were made for each other. It’s twisted, but real.

(Nicki watched Esteban eat, her stomach growling. She felt sick from hunger, but she had to keep herself looking pretty.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Maybe if I ask nicely, he’ll give me something? What if I looked stunning? Then again, we all know the most beautiful people don’t eat… they’re skin and bones. So I can’t eat if I want to look beautiful. So if I made myself look ugly, he’d have to give me some food, right?

Esteban: Stop staring, you fat bitch!

Nicki out loud: Sorry, sorry…

(After Esteban had eaten, he aggressively grabbed Nicki’s arm, dragging her outside. He threw her against a wall, and stuck his tongue down her throat.)

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Oh my God… It’s like shagging a baby gorilla…

Nicki out loud: Kiss me good…

Esteban: You like? You need!

Nicki’s internal thoughts: About as much as a car crash.

Nicki out loud: You’re very… talented. If you’ll excuse me I must clean myself up.

Esteban: No take long.

(Esteban slaps Nicki’s bum as she walks away.)

(Nicki quickly ran into the bathroom, crying, and shaking.)

Nicki out loud: Siree… Call Cindy…

Siree: There is no-one called Cindy existing at this moment…

Nicki out loud: Call Cindy… Please…

(Esteban started banging aggressively on the bathroom door, trying to break it down.)

Esteban: Get out slag! Get out!

Nicki out loud: Coming…!

Nicki’s internal thoughts: Look presentable.

(Nicki stepped outside, and was thrown against the wall by the police.)

Police officer: Armed police! Hands behind your head!

Nicki: What?!