people pleaser

What would I do if I was finally allowed to be myself?

Maybe I would take a deep breath of air 

Maybe I would stretch my legs, sanitize my wounds

After all, I’ve been trapped in your box for god knows how long, seething, angry 

Defeated

I’ve spent too long trying to please you, I know this

But despite that, I still keep coming back

In hopes that I will finally do enough, be enough 

My false hope sending me flying into your knife like embrace 

I wonder how much longer I will be able to keep this up 

I cut my own feet open and remove the bones to fit into the narrow shoes you so desperately want me to fill 

I bend over backwards, spine unnaturally shattering as I bend to your every command

I rip my own tongue out with my bare hands, just so my silence can appease you

I bleed for you daily, the pain unbearable every time

but you don’t see that, do you?

You don’t see it even when it happens right in front of you 

Even when you track my sacrifices across the floor on your daily commutes 

I force myself into your mold

Not because I want to, no

But because I am scared of what you will do if i fail to do so 

You’ve shown me what happens if I don’t comply 

I sit here, silently suffering 

My body was never meant for your box 

Yet I climb in anyways