Scared on where to begin

Just knowing I have no clue, still wondering on what I should do. is it  things are getting the best of me ?am i  letting things drag me down that I don't realize they are become a sink hole I may never climb out of? I'm not sure what to do or what to think, I just feel like I'm about to sink, I just know there's something just not right ,I think about it each and every night, so every day that I sit, I just wait hoping for that right date, just to see a good gate open for me ,but here I still sit months and months later just to sit and discover I'm being pushed over. I let things fly ,I see myself cry but why must I live a big lie. I wipe my tears, trying to forget my fears and strive on trying my hardest to keep hanging on. So much I want to change but not sure if it will be a gain. Don't want to make the wrong moves just to in the end lose leaving me once again to choose. I feel hopeless, scared, and everyday prepared for the worst to come, hoping some ending, become my new beginning.