Sharlene's Weekend

Oh it was the usual story.

Saturday night. 8 pm.

I painted that red dress on me again,

Unfortunately I needed more paint.

I said, hello, to Morty on the way out as I usually did,

“So Morty still dreamin’ about you and me,

Aint gunna happen sweetheart.”

“Arr come on Sharlene we would be perfect together.”

I smiled and went to that sleazy bar on elm street,

You know the one, “Ricks Casablanca Club”

So like totally original.

 Anyway there is this guy sitting there looking cooler than a ice cube,

Smoking a cigarette and giving me that look,

You know the look,

The one that says “hi, gorgeous how about we share a latte together,”

Of course I gave him the smirk,

You know the smirk that says ”Sorry, I don’t mix the species.”

Anyway he comes over and buys me a me a bloody mary,

Well things are going okay. He’s not my usual type,

But hey a girl can’t be that fussy these days.

Then without any warning clunk this woman clobbers me on the head,

So I turned around and punched her in the kisser,

She went down like a sack of potatoes,

Growing up with 5 brothers sure paid off.

Anyway the guy gets to feeling sorry for her and goes with her to the hospital.

That’s the last I seen of them.

I finished my drink and went home to rest my sore head.

Morty was waiting in the hallway so I let him stay the night.

Sometimes I like to let him feel sorry for me.

You know what it’s like.

Sharlene’s Sunday Morning.

Oh my God. I woke up at midday,
with a lump on my head the size of a golf ball.
My face looked like a cat had slept on it.
Morty was on the lounge grinning from ear to ear.
“What are you doing here Morty, I must have had my
7^th tequila.
You know I’d never let you stay if I was sober.
“Arr Sharlene we make a beautiful couple.”
Before I could answer there was a banging at the door.
Now what? It was Moses the Landlord. Wasn’t it.
“Okay Sharlene two weeks rent or it’s goodnight Irene”
Then the strangest thing happened.
Morty pulls out a wad of cash and pays my rent for me.
Maybe I was wrong about him.
Anyway I thought I should say thank you so I let
Morty buy me lunch. It was the least i could do.
At lunch this guy was giving me the eye,
I mean what is wrong with this world.
A girl can’t even have lunch without being hit on.
Anyway I called him over and we had the chat.
You know the chat ”So big fella what new”
For some reason Morty go up and left without a word. How rude.
So me and what’s his name kinda hit it off and went for 
walk in the park. Then all hell breaks loose.
This crazy woman comes out of the bushes screaming
“Leave my man alone.”
Now I don’t have a lot of rules as you know
But I do not cut someone else’s grass.
So I gives her the old hair grab and it was two cats in a blender.
What a catastrophe.
Luckily for her a cop comes over and breaks it up.
I staggered home and Morty put a cold towel on my head.
I like to let him help out some times.
You know what it’s like.

Morty learns to Dance.

Well work was the usual bull dust,
I was accused of flirting with the Pay Clerk, Billy Boy,
Who if he wasn’t married I might be interested,
But he’s married with a dozen ankle biters.
Not my scene at all.

Anyway Friday Night came around like a drunk on a ferris wheel,

And I had this overwhelming feeling to go dancing.

I mean when I was a kid I did three years tap and 2years classical
I even did some Irish.
The problem was I needed a partner. Unfortunatly Morty
dances like a Rodeo Bull rider.  A Drunk one at that

But sometimes ya gotta take what comes along.
Anyway we went to the Cyrell Douglas Dance studio.
They have a mixed dance night every Friday. Just my  style.
I mean I had the red dress, black stockings and strap on dance shoes.

I was ready for anything. Morty looked  like my brother but that’s okay
All he had to do was stay upright.
 Well once I hit the dance floor it was Tango, Cha Cha and you  name it.
Poor Morty couldn’t keep up so he sat down for a while

Then this cute guy comes over. He looked south American.
I thought he’s got the look
and the hips to go with it but did he have the moves.
We got it on like a couple of champions.
Anyway I got a little tired so I asked Morty to buy me a drink.
He likes to help out.
I mean this guy was a good dancer but he kept putting his hand
in places I didn’t even know I had places.
Morty sees what was goin’ on and comes over to break us up.
Then  my Brazilian partner gets the wrong idea and pushes Morty
down on the ground.
I thought I would have to step in and help him out,
But Morty got up and did some karate chops and the Brazilian was chicken Snitzel on the floor.
It was not a pretty sight so I grabbed Morty and high tailed it out of there.
We went to the Cock and Bull for a Tequilla or two.
Morty can’t hold his liquor but I let him pay for my drinks
I even put some ice on his forehead.
You know what it’s like.