The Day After I Relapsed

Malo J

The day after I relapsed,

I went quietly about life.

I showered in cold water

And I ate a bagel with cream cheese

For breakfast.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I held back tears as the water

Ran down my legs and stung

My cuts, and I covered my face

When Momma bandaged them.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I skipped lunch. 

I skipped my evening shower.

I skipped talking.

I skipped writing.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I wanted to die.

I thought about finding

The key to the med box and

Taking all the pills I could grab.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I downed an entire bottle of

Sparkling cider, and I

Went to watch my brother’s

Baseball game. He lost.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I told myself it wasn’t that bad,

They weren’t as deep as last time. (I lied)

I ran my hands over my skin

To feel what I’d done to myself.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I stood in front of the mirror

With my pants off.

I listened to the harshness

Of the silence and thoughts.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I didn’t look anyone in the eye

And I walked slowly because

The bandages chafe if you

Carry too much weight.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I woke up and stared at the

Ceiling, at the clock,

Anything to keep from looking

At the blood on my hands.

 

The day after I relapsed,

I woke up and I

Breathed.

It was over.

That had to be it.

 

(It wasn’t)

  • Author: Malo J (Pseudonym) (Offline Offline)
  • Published: July 17th, 2025 16:24
  • Comment from author about the poem: I finished writing my manuscript, Grief Made a Mirror, and this is one of the 61 poems that complete the collection.
  • Category: Reflection
  • Views: 12
  • Users favorite of this poem: Priya Tomar
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Comments +

Comments4

  • sorenbarrett

    Rough and raw this write is a reviewal of the horrors of the past and a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel and a bit of hope. Nicely written

  • Poetic Licence

    A honest and raw write of the difficult times having endured and now has a little chink of hope, they might make it, nicely expressed and written

  • MatPie

    A powerful poem full of raw emotions, I could taste the blood on my hands. It was a rush of unending regret. Sentimentally well written!

  • Priya Tomar

    Displaying of tragic time...
    Very nice



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