I Know Where It Goes Now

We asked where the love left to give would go. I suppose we’re finding that out now. Mine has gone into me. Longer workouts, heavy focus on my eating habits and habits in general, learning to love myself in the way you did and to see myself through your eyes.

There was so much love still meant for you.

So much that holding it in my body still has changed me. I told you that the distance triggered my abandonment issues. I haven’t told you about what happened after though.

When I stopped running from it.

When it wasn’t too heavy to carry.

Or too much to feel.

I sat with it. I started to gain understanding. I stopped using only logic to gain understanding of it and allowed myself to feel where it hurt so I knew where little me still needed to be loved.

I like to think that you knew exactly what you were doing.

You loved me so hard where it hurt just to show me how to do it once you were gone. You used your gentle hands to softly and discreetly begin removing the bandages and scabs from the places I hadn’t healed correctly. I was oblivious, as usual, because I was just so happy to be safe and be loved by you.

And then you left to give me the space to grow.

You knew exactly where the love would go.