There is a thing inside me -
a shadow with no face,
a parasite unseen,
whispering poison in my veins.
It stalks my every thought,
a ghost beneath my skin,
claws scraping at my sanity,
silent, patient, endless.
I live here
in the loop -
wash,
doubt,
sanitise,
doubt,
change,
doubt,
retrace,
doubt,
double check,
doubt,
repeat -
repeat -
repeat.
Discomfort is my pulse now -
it beats louder than hope,
louder than rest.
It feeds on my discomfort,
grows stronger in my unrest,
its breath cold on my neck,
its eyes watching where I cannot see.
It once wore the guise of demons,
now it wears bacteria’s mask -
a million invisible hunters,
each one a blade in the dark.
How ill have I become -
to lock my own mind away,
to build the bars myself,
to swallow the key?
My hell is invisible,
misunderstood,
not reason,
not logic -
only contamination OCD,
this captor,
this phantom leash,
tightening -
tightening -
For over a year now,
every thought bent to its will,
every step weighed in its shadow.
My mind, once my home,
is now its hunting ground,
and I - its captive,
bound by unseen chains,
dragged deeper into hell.
Will I ever break free?
Or is this shadow my shadow -
an echo of myself
that will never leave?
I do not know.
I only know the stalker inside
does not sleep.
-
Author:
JJ (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: August 13th, 2025 10:10
- Comment from author about the poem: This piece is a reflection of my personal experience with contamination OCD - a struggle that feels invisible but is deeply real and exhausting. OCD isn’t just about cleanliness; it’s about the fear that takes over your mind, the endless loops you can’t break, and the discomfort that becomes your constant companion. I hope sharing this helps others understand a little more about what living with this feels like, and maybe offers some comfort to anyone going through something similar.
- Category: Unclassified
- Views: 6
Offline)
Comments2
A rather raw poem of the illness that chains people to a sink and alcohol wipes. A sad experience when the body becomes stronger when fighting germs. Well written.
Thank you for your understanding and feedback it means a lot 🩵
You are most welcome
That's a very brave, raw and honest write of an invisible illness that takes your life and being, nicely expressed and written, wish you all the best
I appreciate your genuine understanding towards this issue and thank you for your feedback it means a lot 🩵
You are very welcome
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