Mummy

So what’s your excuse for a blind date?

My boyfriend cheated on me, what’s yours?

Caught my mum in bed with my girlfriend.

Did you say anything?

No, she was on top, so I didn’t want to do anything

Did you tell your Dad

No, my Dad's girlfriend killed him when she found out he was married.

Wow, you don’t have a sister, do you?

I do, but she’s not allowed within ten miles of the house.

Is she a psycho or what?

No, she smashed a chair over Mum's head when she caught her in bed with her boyfriend.

What, your mum was on top again.

I suppose so, it’s not really a picture I want to see.

Do you have a photo of your mum?

Yes, that’s her there.

Wow, I don’t usually have lesbian tendencies, but I’d do your mum.

Yes, a lot of people want to do my mum, I don’t get it.

Can I meet her?

Why the hell would you want to meet her?

I don’t know, can I be your girlfriend?

Is this so you can meet my mum?

Of course not, can I go home with you now?

My god, what is wrong with you, woman?

Can I meet your sister, why don’t we get married?

We’ve only just met.

I know, but I already feel part of the family.