tired and troubled poetess met God

How many more strands of your hair would you have cut
to comfort yourself,
if cutting could erase the pain?

How many more pills would you have swallowed
to quiet the screaming in your mind?

How many more times would you have stared over the edge of a roof
to trick yourself into thinking the fall could end it all?

How many more drinks would you have poured
to numb the loneliness that gnawed at your chest?

How many more puffs, hits, or needles
to chase a high that never lasted long enough?

You were afraid then, trembling with the knife in your hands,
but now…
you have no fear.
Courage, or maybe recklessness,
makes you believe you could end it all,
and the world would bend, and the pain would vanish.

But that’s the lie.
The suffering doesn’t end.
It only begins.
Because the escape you imagine
leads not to relief,
but to eternal, lasting suffering—
the kind that no human hand can undo.

Remember my friend in the mall,
who jumped seeking the escape you only imagined.
Not everyone gets to come back.

Remember this.
Not for me.
Not for anyone alive.
But for the one who thinks they’re brave enough to touch the edge.

In my rage at the world,
I forget my fears.
Heights don’t shake me,
Guns don’t scare me—
I fire.

Knives once trembling in my hands,
the rope I thought could free me,
pills stacked for quieting the screaming,
blades, belts, water, tablets, poison,
alcohol to numb,
smoke to choke the pain,
needles to chase the high—
all tools I once imagined could end it.

The wind below whispers danger,
but my hands are steady.
The world feels small,
and for a moment,
I feel unstoppable.

But this is a warning.
The courage or recklessness you feel
does not save you.
The escape you imagine
leads not to relief,
but to permanent consequences.

Mental health struggles are real—
the darkness you face is valid—
but the tools you reach for are traps,
not solutions.
Help exists, even when the world feels silent.

Remember, no jump, no rope, no knife, no pill, no poison, no drink, no smoke, no high
can truly erase the pain.
But reaching out, talking, seeking help—
that can.

And yet, beyond all despair, there is hope.
Salvation and redemption are waiting for you from God.
He keeps knocking at your heart, patiently, lovingly.
Do not let the voices of the world deafen you,
so you cannot hear our Creator’s voice.
When you turn to Him, He is there—
to heal, to restore, to guide you out of the darkness,
to give you life that is eternal, full, and true.