CAN I Just DISAPPEAR!!??

It seams like anything I do is not good enough.

It seams like every memory I have no one believes.

Everyone thinks I make stuff up.

Especially my foster parents but they were not their in my life.

They know of the abuse, but not everything about it.

They don't know I was SA by my own father, mother, cousin, and uncle.

They say I'm making up my memory of going to my paps funeral when I was 8 months.

Seams like what ever I do or say won't be good enough.

Why can't I just leave this world?

Why can't I just be loved?

Why can't I be wanted?

Will I ever be enough for people to want around?

Will it take people to realize that once I'm gone they won't know how much I actually meant?

I keep contemplating on committing but I can't because of my sister.

I figured if I am not wanted to be around or people thinking that my memories are invalid then what's the point?

Why can't I just go yet.

I think I will maybe if it gets bad.

Will people still be around me when they realize the war that's in my head or will they go away just like other people?

Why can't I be good enough?

Why can't I be happy?

Why do I have to fake the smile?

I want to leave because this world isn't for me.

So tell me this, Why can't I disappear already?