In the endless sky, so high,
Bird is flying nowhere, nowhy,
Let me watch your way
As you go away
Astray.
Lost your path,
Hold your breath,
As you wind,
You will find
Your place...
She will turn to me, knowing,
Feather falling from her wing,
If she could've smiled,
She would - like a child
Gone wild:
Cold rain drop
From atop,
Up she leads,
Never needs
To stop.
-
Author:
Victor Bolshov (
Offline) - Published: October 27th, 2025 04:06
- Comment from author about the poem: Way is just as important as the destination.\r\n\r\nI would love to hear your honest feedback on both the lyrics and the melody (see YouTube). The performance is quite unpolished, I recorded this just hours after I wrote the song.
- Category: Surrealist
- Views: 8
Offline)
Comments1
This poem is unique in both wording and style giving it a different feel. Word choice is eccentric but understandable (nowhy) this distances it a bit from the real world. A rhyme pattern in the first stanza of AABBB is unconventional and matches the uniqueness of the poem. The five line stanza also sets it as out of the norm. Beyond the structure the poem gives a feel of something beyond a energetic and bright feel despite some cold and restraining images. This brightness and hopefulness continues to the end resolving any tension from the poem's structure. Well done
Wow! I couldn't even have hoped for such a thorough review! As a non-native English-speaker, I was worried about the "nowhy" but liked it anyway, and decided to leave it like this, even though AI suggested a change (I somewhat despise AI tools in way, but use them in such situations - it's a proofreader that is always at hand)
Neologisms are great Shakespeare made up many words. AI has its usefulness as a guide but has not evolved enough to be totally relied upon. I have had it rate some of Shakespeare's, most famous soliloquies , Frost's, poems and Dylan Thomas and they consistently rate 4.5 to 5 out of 10 in overall rating and the same in poetic similarity. This tells me something is still amiss and though a good tool for grammar and spelling as well as meter it lacks basic elements of meaning and subtle metaphor, Go for it be creative, experiment and find your own style. I admire your courage in not being a native English speaker I have published in Portuguese before and it is a daunting task for someone that is not a native speaker even if fluent.
Agreed! I also will add that poetry is supposed to touch, to make one's soul strings tremble, and it should never mean if some unconventional words or grammar are used - if it gets to you. Underneath AI, there's noone to be touched, a numb emptiness at its finest, instead.
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