After You

stepping around puddles
that reflect a sky
i can’t look at directly—
your favorite color, that exact shade.
even the weather conspires
against my attempts at forgetting
how you once said
rain makes everything
look like poetry.

tonight my thoughts scatter
like the pills i dropped
across the wooden floor.
i wonder if you’re awake somewhere,
your consciousness a mirror to mine,
or if i’m alone inside
this particular shade of darkness.
some nights i wish i could untell
every word where i made you
more than just a stranger.

there’s blasphemy in the way i worship
the memory of your hands.
at this goddamn hour
i catch myself praying to a god
i stopped believing in—asking
for forgiveness for mistaking paradise
for your genuine smile.
heaven was never meant to exist
in something so temporary
as your presence.