'Wealthy Lady of Lonely Heart,
Seeks similar Gent with love to impart'.
'A Lingerie Model, appeared in Vogue;
A Hollywood film and travelled the Globe'.
And so It reads on the Personal page;
Being a ' Meal for One' I'll soon engage.
So say no more and a quick reply;
'Faint Heart never Won' by being shy.
And so set off to make one Stop;
To retrieve my Suit from the 'Charity Shop'.
Then all is ready for my latest fling;
A Romantic Meal at the 'Burger King'.
And now to venture on my first Blind date;
And wondering what will be my fate.
Immaculately dressed from top to toe;
And hoping the Holes will never show.
I wait and wait at a Table for Two,
When suddenly appearing from out of the blue;
My date now stands framed in the door;
Its Doris Karloff and a whole lot more.
She looks around and heads my way;
The Theme from 'Jaws' now seems to play.
'Commander Dunn'? She asked of me,
'Late of His Majesty's Royal Navy'?
Who on Earth is he ? as I scan the Room;
Then I realise it's my Nom de Plume.
'Yes I am he' I stand to speak;
What hope I had is getting weak.
'Im your date tonight Emelda Pratt,
I'm afraid my bicycle had a flat'.
And with a Belch to Swearing a lot;
A Lady Bracknell she's surely not.
I ordered a Milkshake 'Shaken not Stirred';
And proceeded to hear of exploits absurd.
Of being a Stand-in for Winslet and Streep;
Being told by Travolta she's light on her feet.
Of dining with Film Stars; a Recording or Two;
But the strangest of all her nose never grew.
I regaled of my Missions in a War Zone or three;
And back in the Mess for Crumpets and Tea.
Tackling assailants being a Judo Dan;
Advising the 'Top Brass' whenever I can.
But all-in-all and to no avail;
I knew this date would surely fail.
Her constant Dreams got out of hand;
She lived within a Fantasy Land.
So - at the end I said 'Goodnight';
And to the Exit made my flight.
To my dingy flat and my Boring life;
All Rising Damp and Neighbours Strife.
And It makes me laugh when I think of It;
How the 'Personal Add' Wasn't true one bit.
For I was Truth it self all down the line;
Well- the Odd little Fib is not a crime.
I may have uttered a Whitish Lie;
My Pants aflame I can't deny.
But her Stories came from the Stable Floor;
These Walter Mittys I find a Bore.
-
Author:
Kevin Hulme (Pseudonym) (
Offline) - Published: November 12th, 2025 20:33
- Comment from author about the poem: Identities Identities.
- Category: Humor
- Views: 7
- Users favorite of this poem: sorenbarrett, Paul Bell
Offline)
Comments4
Now that was not only funny but a nightmare. A great poem with rhyme and good flow. Loved it a fave
Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the fave.
You are most welcome
First meetings on the dating scene can be difficult, can’t they? I would advise that you give it a week to gain some perspective and then talk the matter over with a trusted friend. In essence you have two basic options: either pursue the relationship, or decide to move on ( swipe right – or is it left, I can never remember…)
Mightily entertained.
Dear Agony Uncle. Thank you for your advice, but I think I'll give her a Miss. Better luck next time I think. . Thank you for Reading.
Trying to build up custom for the column, so if you have any other problems in this particular area, do not hesitate to post.....
Hysterical. Great work.
Thank you. Appreciate your time to Read and Comment.
I like when people embellish themselves a little bit, or even a big bit.
Let's face it, we all have an alter ego, and sometimes we forget who is who.
Just off to the moon now.
Been there , done that . Thank you for your Comment and Reading.
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