i am okay

I cannot find
anything left to hate
I stare into the mirror
and see a smiling face

There is still despair, here
not far hidden
a plethora of feelings
adorning the surface of my being
there is hatred here, mixed in with love
sadness and joy bundled up
and tied with a bow
sprinkled with hope

I can’t hate it, though
any of it
every part of me
is meant to be understood
and used for good

I study my face
and see the child
that still lives here, within
I know others can see her too
when I play games on birthdays
with more enthusiasm than any child in the room

I know, because I’ve been told
and since growing older
I’ve also grown bolder
my child self was carrying
things no child should shoulder
my shoulders have been
unnecessarily strong

But now
I place palms on the mirror
and the glass does not feel cold

I place fingers on my face
and I do not feel old

I was told
a little self-hatred was needed
it was normal to see myself bleeding
to avoid narcissistic believing
I tied insecurity in with my breathing

But now
I am loud
a healthy dose of proud
I walk with pen in my fingers
and scribble every lingering thought
from euphoric haze
to melancholy dismay

I open my window each day
I don’t practise hate
I prioritise my brain
when the thoughts feel insane
I take breaks

And when I need to just
be
I breathe
I allow myself
to enjoy
all that I need
when I look in that mirror
all I can see
are kind eyes
and pink cheeks

I know, there is still pain
nothing is free
from the darkest parts of my brain

But I cannot find
anything to hate
I see the best of me
and the worst
and still
I am okay.

01:01am – 14/10/25.