only half awake
thoughts are lapping on the shore
of my consciousness
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Author:
PerditaRose (
Offline) - Published: November 28th, 2025 08:55
- Comment from author about the poem: I had never heard of the word "hypnagogia" before. I have changed the wording of this poem at least 3 times.
- Category: Haiku
- Views: 11
- Users favorite of this poem: sorenbarrett
Offline)
Comments3
Must admit never heard of it myself, but now I have I'll be using it when it's my round in the pub.
I'm coming back as a cat.
You're funny.
Sorry that I did not catch this one earlier. I must have clicked on it and been interrupted leaving the print for the title dark and fooling me into thinking I had done it. Thanks for alerting me. This is a magnificent senryu that speaks so poetically of that hypnogogic state where a person is between sleep and wakefulness. It is a fuzzy and soft state that can be quite confusing where one is not fully aware of what they are doing. This gives me visions of Carl Sandberg's poem fog
The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
Loved your poem and so sorry I overlooked it. Please let me know if it ever happens again
I had thought of the line as well... "the fog comes on little cat feet".
My only concern was that I'd somehow offended you. I had edited this poem about 3 times this morning. I don't know how that impacts someone who's reading the poem at the same time.
Don't ever worry about offending, if the poem comes from inside you there is nothing to offend. I try never to steal another's work but to let it inspire you is truly wonderful. Some poems need to be edited hundreds of times others need none. This poem was wonderful
I didn't start off thinking I'm going to use that line or some like it. I first came up with "like a quiet cat... padding (first lapping)..." and then I remembered his line. What went on subconsciously, I can't say. I did go through several variations, starting with a mixed metaphor. I have enough trouble writing a haiku, let alone anything with a higher word count!
I don't remember if I told you this, which is sad because it wouldn't have been that long ago. But I did restore the last 2 lines of the poem to the original version (I don't think anyone saw it). The first line I grabbed from the title of the poem.
nice job
Thank you
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